What Do You Do When You Have No Faith Left?

I used to think I had faith.

I spouted from the roof tops, my devotion. Like Peter, I boasted, “I will never deny you, Lord.”

I was shallow and arrogant.

Caught up in a wave of my own emotions. My foundation untested; by storms, waves…The rattlings of my own weary heart.

Like Joseph, I had my inheritance, a collection of dreams and promises, which I wrecklessly poured out endlessly…

Without first being thrown into a pit, falsely accused or being tested by trails and betrayal.

I wrote about faith, because I knew the time would come when “men’s faith would grow cold”. (Matt. 24:12)

I read about oil and our lampstands, and about how some will be left asking, while others will have an abundance. (Matt. 25)

Some carried their lamps to meet the bridegroom, but failed to bring oil to light the way.

And it seems the day is coming, when we all must fill the glass jars of our hearts, so we won’t be found wanting.

The day of Our Awaited One is coming.

And yet, I see Paul, shipwrecked, though still believing. Thrown into a jail cell, yet refusing to deny Jesus.

THAT is faith.

I see Gideon, following a God that shrinks his army to 300 men. (Judges 7)

Who thins their army in the day of battle, except those that trust in the Living God?

And yet, today, I see Him thinning us as well.

Hearts once hidden are being made externally visible. What once shrunk in darkness is now being exposed to the spotlight of His truth. (Luke 12:2-3)

There is nowhere to run from the reality of what lies within us. Every hidden thing will be exposed. And that is a good thing. (Luke 8:17)

I used to think I had faith, but did I?

Staring up at the stars as a child, singing on the way to school as a youth.

What is it that makes great faith? And who is it that gives it?

I used to think I had faith. I would dress up in heals before teaching Sunday School.

I did all the “right” things. And yet, my past would plague me, fears would entangle me in the shadows of the evening.

I had no peace. I had no freedom.

But then, in arms lifted in surrender, I let myself go. I heard the words that I am not good. I am a sinner. I have no righteous of my own.

That day, I left the gospel of trying harder and found true power in falling to my knees, abandoning all of me, for the sake of knowing Christ.

I went from the Father’s so called “good”, yet selfish son, to the Prodigal, in a matter of a few moments of time.

And I realized, there is no ladder to heaven that includes us trying harder, being better, striving further.

The only way higher, to heaven, is lower. 

Down on our knees. Contrite in spirit. Humbled in desperation.

His power picks up the weak. It doesn’t enable selfishness or self-righteous belief systems.

I had been wrong, for over thirty years. I had thought I had found faith, walked in obedience…

But all I had was the shackles of my religion, the bondage that comes from living in the ways of fallen man.

The Apostle Paul once said, he “boasts in his weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9) Why? Because then, the power of God may rest on him.

But, do we believe it? God’s power rests on weakness, not our own strength.

When was the last time we boasted in our weakness? Took up our cross’? Acknowledged we are useless, apart from Him?

I heard about many faith leaders falling this weekened. One supporting Athiesm, another cheating, a last declaring women be weakened, at the expense of men.

And yet, Jesus never made ranks and heirachies. He never silenced himself from the oppression of men.

In fact…

Jesus was and still is the greatest liberator. He lifts up the poor and gives the weary strength to persevere.

God delivers the oppressed and leads His people TO freedom, not away from it.

And yet, still we expect from God? Command and demand Him?

As if God can’t deliver, so we leave Him at the crossroads and walk in our own direction?

Paving our own path, dictating our own expectations to a God who we’ve minimized and not submitted to?

But faith, it waits when He stops. Faith walks where and when He alone leads.

Faith silences itself long enough to hear the gentle call of a God we cannot always see on foggy days. And yet, we bow to anyways.

Faith leaves the chance of royalty to stand up for the weak…Like Esther, willing to risk her title and position to save her dying people.

Where now are the Esthers? Where are those that go before the king of our day, to fight for the innocent and vulnerable?

Would I risk my everything, life itself, for the sake of the poor, the outcast, the needy?

So, how do we navigate this storm? The one that wraps around our boats and shakes the sterns we wait on?

Didn’t God use the storm to bring Paul where he could preach? Did the gospel stop going forward when hardships led His people to places they didn’t understand?

And if the God of all Ages has directed our decisions, why stop now and lean on our flesh?

Our bodies, useless. Our brains, offer nothing but confusion and complication.

However, our surrender brings child-like faith.

There is power in lifting our hands in pain and saying, “Yes Lord! Your ways are higher than my ways?” (Isaiah 55:7-9)

As we kneel at the sacrifice before us, God leads us.

We are not the creator of faith. We are not even a righteous vessels strong in our own strength. We are simply the created, needing the strength of our Creator.

Vessels; emptied, broken, needy, useless, apart from the Savior that pours in us living water.

Maybe our cry shouldn’t be, make US stronger, more powerful, more successful.

Perhaps our cry should be that of Paul…Less of me, and more of Him. That I may decrease and He alone increase. (John 3:30)

This is how we fight this battle. This is how we take on the storm.

This is how we pick up our sword. We lay it down. We become emptied and barren, that He might be seen in us, righteous.

He calls the weak. He gives us His faith, even when we are faithless. (3 Tim. 2;13)

I used to think I had faith. But I have none, apart from Him.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to try harder, be perfect, do better, or be more successful.

All you have to do is lay it all down to the One who resurrects the weak and opposes the proud.

Let Him be your faith. He is enough. Give Him your all and He will get you through.