How Many Loaves Do You Have?

Have you ever seen those game shows?

The ones where people are crammed in see-through booths, a switch is flicked, air blows, then the contestant grabs all the fying money they can, stuffing it anywhere they are able?

Or an Easter egg hunt? Or black Friday? People get plowed over, so the hunters can grab their items.

Whoever has the most items wins?

I open Scripture this morning…

This long, 4:30 a.m. morning, storing up coffee, energy, and faith to move through my day, hoarding any resources I can find to be the best parent I can be.

But then, like a Kangaroo leaping from the page, I read the words, “How many loaves do you have?” 

Instantly, I get defensive. Weary hands and droopy eyes, I gather up my wisdom, and as if in an interview with a King, who will fire me if I don’t give the right answer…

“Not enough” is my humble answer.

Not enough loaves to make it through my morning. Not enough strength, with two Preschoolers crawling in my bed, leg cramps and deflecting, so we won’t notice their presence.

And I wonder in this world, if we have become so accustomed to gathering our resources, like land on the game of Monopoly or Pedigrees on the walls of some doctors…

Convincing ourselves we will win, if we just get more.

Tricking ourselves into thinking our credentials or position, power or worth lies in something we’ve done, gained, earned or attained by our strength, might or power apart from Him.

We wrap, like Kings of old, layers of fine linen around us, then step out into the land, where common people beg for any kind of leadership.

Then, we boast in our earnings, our gifts, or our purposes.

But there in Scripture, I don’t see the layering or gaining, the earning or the attaining….I only see the unraveling. 

The unraveilng of all we are. The losing of what we own, our best and most valuable possessions.

I see the uncovering, like Lazarus after his resurrection. (John 11)

Or King David, who refused to wrap himself in King Saul’s metal breastplate…Though Saul insisted David wasn’t strong enough to fight off Goliath alone. (1 Sam. 17:32-40)

And isn’t there always someone who insists that we aren’t enough.

Who uses their authority to bash or blast, shrink or diminish those that might come…Not in their own strength, but in the power of the Living God?

And here in Matthew 15, Jesus asks, “How many loaves do you have?” 

See, a mulititude had gathered, thousands on the hillside. They had brought the sick and lame, the blind and bleeding…

Laying them at Jesus feet.

Medicines? They must not have worked. Shamans? Obviously useless. Their own strength or power, skills or abilities? Pointless in light of what their loved ones were suffering with.

And here they were, laying their greatest possessions at Jesus feet.

What have you, what have I laid at Jesus feet lately?

Have we tried to manufacture, pretend or will ourselves towards healing? Or have we come with our brokenness, and offered it as a sacrifice, parting with it willingly?

Then, out of sincere concern and compassion, seeing the need of a hungry multitude, Jesus asked how much food the disciples have.

What do we have?

And I wonder, if Jesus sometimes asks us that same question too?

What are we holding? What are we gripping to keep and sustain us? What are we clinging to?

Is it our own resources? Our retirement plan? Or are we holding titles and positions as if they can somehow deliver us? 

Jesus doesn’t tell the disciples, “O.k. Thanks, now go and eat whatever you are holding.”

Instead, Jesus takes it and multiplies it. He receives and then gives back to them more than they ever gave.

He performs a miracle, breaking the bread and multiplying the fish after gathering the people en mass, sitting them high on that hill.

And when we lack, what do we do? Do we pour our oil at Jesus feet? (John 12) Do we take what we have and give it to the Prophet to make a last meal?  (1 Kings 17:7-15)

Or do we hoard? Keep? Retain? Withhold?

As if we are the lords of our own castles? Maker and providers? Self-made kings over everything God has given to us by grace?

A woman’s daughter is demon possessed in Matt 15:22-28.

And my guess is, she has tried everything to help or heal her daughter.

What mother wouldn’t give all she could to bring her daughter to right thinking, at a time when her world is crumbling?

And yet there, this mother couldn’t fix her daughter. She couldn’t will, provide, protect or find a remedy to cure her from her pain.

This mother knew where her help came from. She knew the only One that not only saves, but also sets the sinners free.

She pleads with Jesus, over and over, until finally He says to her, “Woman, great is your faith! Let it be so to you as you desire.”

Her daughter was made well that hour.

Sometimes, I think so many believe God can’t heal, God can’t do miracles.

But I wonder, is part of why we don’t see God’s provision, is because we are clinging to our own bread, our own sickness, our own children…And not giving them over to Christ?

Could it be our ailments are in part our testing, showing us who we trust, where and what we rely on?

Do we cling to our own strength? Our own hope? Some teacher or world leader? Or is our hope found in Christ, and Christ as the only redeemer of all that’s still broken?

Is He the One we take our sick selves to when the world is rough and the ceiling of our self-made castles slowly come crashing down?

Do we run to Him when life is hard, praise Him when things go well, and make Him the center of our being?

We cannot fix ourselves.

We cannot heal those we love, rescue the broken? Find any real solutions apart from the God who rescues us.

We were never saviors. This world has nothing left to offer. Our own will cannot save us. Only Jesus alone can redeem us.

Where in your life today might you, like me, be holding onto your own bread, for a rainy day, or just in case you might need it in the future?

Where might you be looking everywhere for healing, but maybe are failing to drop all at the the feet of Jesus, letting Him do what He claims and has spoken over our lives?

Where might you be trying to find your own freedom? Instead of carrying your loved ones to Jesus? Asking, no begging, for His grace to overwhelm them?

He still can do what is impossible, regardless of what man tells us.

Aren’t all things possible with God? (Matt 19:26)

And doesn’t He always honor empty-handedness? Multipling what we give Him? Depositing what we are lacking?

He is our healer. Our bread of life. Our safe shelter. He alone has all power….

Won’t we just let go to what we are holding? Step out of our own strength? Put money and possessions down, laying all we have at His feet?

He is enough. He won’t fail us. He is our everything.

Let’s open our palms and watch how He can multiple all that we give Him, today.

How many loaves are you still holding?