When “Mother’s Day” Hurts or Doesn’t Fit in Some Tidy, Little Box

Hallmark has a way of taking something sacred and idealizing it, to the point of where even the best mother’s can question their ideologies.

Meme’s, hashtags, heart-felt stories of abnormally fabulous moms can make the average-everyday-dishwasher, clothes-cleaner, diaper-changing parent look at their faith or family in distain.

And then there is this day….The one where some invisible women cringe when ladies with neatly-dressed kids, parade their children into Sunday services, while a gaping, silent hole eats them away….

From the inside.

Why in our culture do we so idealize people, characters, those who do their every day job, not for praises, fanfare or accolades? Why are we all looking for saviors in mere pathetic flesh and bone?

Can’t we just teach our children to live “respect and appreciation” daily, so we don’t need a one Hallmark-day in three-hundred-sixty-five to notice the job moms do quite willingly; every hour, night and day, all throughout the year?

And then, there are those women….you may be one of them….who curse the day the world celebrates the women who some call mothers.

They often fantasize of a different story, live in a world of loss, grieving a parent’s passing, or never their mom to begin with….

These women wish they grew up differently, tipping back and forth a thousand times over between acceptance and regret, due to the grave loss or distance that exists between them and their mothers.

One friend of mine just lost her mother recently, tragically.

Yet, she can stand confident because God gave her a saint-like legacy….one that carries on freely beyond her moms last breathe.

And I wonder if this motherhood thing isn’t as much about how long or how many you have parented, but how well you did what you did, with what you had, for the length of time you could or actually should have?

And then there are those who walk with regret….

I met a mother today; aging, yet healthy….

Her kids couldn’t travel to see her for her 80th birthday. She shared her special day alone, without family.

Just her and her strong soul teaching me what it means to live not for the praises of children, but for ideals greater than earthly accolades or praises of men.

And I have heard so many stories of regret; a mother not there, betrayal of or from children. A parent never coming to a child’s side, or worse yet, allowing evil to prevail as they became the least of her priorities.

These stories haunt my soul at times, because motherhood is about giving, offering over her all for the sacrifice and embetterment of her own flesh and blood.

Motherhood and greed were never meant to be synonyms, but antonyms.

And yet, I know, we often label mothers by geography and genetic DNA, when the reality is, some of the most Godly “mothers” I’ve ever met, were never mothers at all.

I had an aunt who never had children. She loved me as if she nurtured me in her womb for nine months. One of the most influential women in my childhood; strong, smart, a businesswoman. I felt like her daughter, in addition to her neice.

A friend brought dinner to me one day after we picked up a new foster placement from the hospital some time ago. She sat with my eleven year old, asking her questions and just listened….carrying the fullness of any mother’s love.

This “dear friend” is a willing surrogate mother to my children.

She stepped in when I was doing night feedings, caring for babies around the clock and needed someone to hear and see the little girls I love.

She has never carried earthly babies, but carries the weight of a mother’s heart more than most woman I know.

Yes, a mother is not just flesh and blood. A mother is a soul that nurtures, wants, loves, and unceasingly cares for the vulnerable and needy.

A mother is also someone who is brave enough to let go, do what’s best for a child, despite how the world looks at her or how excruciatingly painful it may feel, at times.

She was about the age of my oldest child. I met her in Chi*a. She wanted to adopt, but couldn’t at the time, due to her age.

She cared for so many broken babies abandoned by a system not set up to care for the most needy. As a physical therapist, her job was to nurture, dream, love and push a child to the point of what she knew they were capable of.

Often, we don’t know what we are capable of…until our mother’s show us.

Mothers have what seem like a magnifined glass that looks to the depths of their children’s souls, ones aching to be more than invisible.

My friend in Chi*a is a mother to many. Yet, her life hasn’t yet given her biological children. The children of this orphanage are hers, every one of them, in every sense of the word.

She loves these children greater than if she’d birthed them herself.

A mother is one who gives, looks her child in the eyes, and makes the decision to offer her life; feelings, hopes and dreams for embetterment and her child’s greater good.

In fact, Motherhood is a lot less about birthing and more about those who are the brave enough to exchange their own needs for the life of those around them.

And then, some mother’s make the ultimate sacrifice; courageously, selflessly and saint-like…Giving up their children for what might be best for them….

Despite the very real, agonizing sacrifice it personally guarantees to cost them.

My heart honors such selfless women today.

Mother’s don’t just carry babies in their hearts, or bellies, or arms, or minds….

A real mother is interwined with the God-given lives placed inside them; daily, always, regardless of time or distance….

A genuine mother will forever have the face of their child tatooed inside her heart, regardless of any circumstances.

And once a mother loves, there is no fading, separating, or ending this kind of God-sent, heaven-like, miraculously-beautiful gift called Motherhood.

Love is not fickle like the world tells us or wavering like Hollywood shows us.

Real love lasts, it never ends….like Scripture reveals to us.

And even spiritual mother’s can become what an earthly mother never was, stepping in as a surrogate, when life doesn’t go as one wanted.

And who is to say a child only can have one mother in this life-time, anyway?

Maybe God planned it that each child has countless mothers, parents coined as “Aunty”, “Stepmom”, “Grandma”, “Best friend’s parent” etc…..

The list goes on and on….

Teachers love like parents. Sunday School teachers can wrap their hearts around little ones and be what some children need most.

What if this word “mother” doesn’t have to look a certain way or fit a certain mold? Mother’s hold and let go, they teach and release, they know and aren’t afraid to let their lives be fully known by their children.

Hallmark got it wrong. A real mother is always present in her child’s life whether her child ever sees her face or not, she is known or even present. Could it be…A mother’s mark surpasses time and distance?

And what if we have failed to see….every woman is a mother, and every child….

Is better when they have a village, of women who see their worth?