A Riveting, Must-See Story of Adoption and the Powerful Link of DNA

You know how you talk to people, not even connected, and they offer the same exact “suggestions” without being aware?

Well, this movie was one of those suggestions. 

My dad first mentioned it. Our family has always loved pyschology; the when and why of how humans tick. Then, my husband came home from work one day and suggested the exact same movie. I knew I needed to watch it.

As a bio sister to a brother who was adopted out at birth, the nature vs. nurture debate has always fascinated me….

How much of who we are comes from genetics or DNA, and how much is from our environment, or the way someone was raised?

When we found my adopted brother, I was in my twenties. He was tall, drove the same kind of car as the brother I was raised with. Both brothers were rafting instructors, rock-climbers, and seemed to have everything in common.

Me and the brother I wasn’t raised with are also both speakers, love words and help needy children.

It seems, so many of our family’s “random” decisions were really influenced by genetics and DNA.

As a mom who has adopted, I also see so many similarities between my adopted daughter and my other bio children. She is kind, compassionate, thoughtful and polite. And yet, she is fiercely athletic (definitely not like the rest of our family), strong, and a leader everywhere she goes.

Our family has tried to fan the flames of our adopted daughter’s natural dna, and the gift and talents in her, given to her before creation.

So, when I saw the movie my dad and my husband suggested, I was taken back. Afterwards, I just can’t get the complexity of it out of my mind.

Is nature (Dna/genetics) stronger, or is nurture (The child’s environment/upbringing/parenting)?

This movie exposes some hard truths. It talks about how crucial the bond between siblings is and how there can be grave losses and tragedies when bio siblings are kept from one another.

This movie layers on the influences of adopted families, and how the father especially has a remarkeable impact on the phsychology, emotional copying skills, and future health of his family.

So, why is it in today’s world, we like to slice things up into boxes or labels, tuck specific ideas away because our logical mind likes structure, order, and controllable information?

Can’t we all attest, nothing about life or family, adoption or children is specific, idealic, or predictable in every situation?

Yet, when we parent kids who are adopted, there are many facts that still remain in a child’s life….

• Bio siblings (especially) are highly significant in a child’s life. They carry significant amounts of our child’s dna.
• Bio siblings are mirrors, revealing at least half of who our kids are through genetics and heredity.
• Bio siblings feel seen, known, and understood by bio siblings in a way they aren’t necessarily validated in adopted families or even siblings separated, from bio families.

At the same time, environment is highly significant.

• If a father is harsh and derogotive, regardless of how amazing a child’s genetic ability to cope may seem, that child will likely suffer severe reprecussions in more ways than one. A father’s influence (good or bad) will significantly impact that child all throughout their life.

To conclude, after seeing this movie, it is not enough to have “good genetics” or a “loving, accepting family”.

A child (especially in todays world) needs every single advantage they can attain, to became their optimal self in the multi-faceted situations they will face, all throughtout their lives.

Better yet, human’s are not science experiments. Children are too precious to “risk” mediocre circumstances, unsafe or unhealthy environments just for the sake of a parents preference or an organizations protocol.

Children are like seeds. They can be hybrid or average…..but the soil a child is planted in will always, 100% of the time, make a monumental difference in who that child becomes. 

I grieve sometimes thinking about how I didn’t grow up with my own adopted brother. I long to know what it would be like if he would have played G.I. Joys, or King of the Mountain with me and my other brother growing up….

But I also know, God trumps all of it….Genetics and Environment. He can take each of us and make beauty out of ashes. He can make us warriors from the most unlikely circumstances.

In the end, it’s a tragedy when siblings are not raised together. There is nearly always good found when kids are in healthy, sibling relationships.

My adopted daughter visited her bio twin sisters last week. It has been a huge gift to get to meet them when they were infants, and keep a close relationship with their adopted family for these past twelve years.

When my adopted daughter is with her twin sisters, she sees her same eyes in the face of one of her sisters, and a similar smile in the face of the other. And those mirrors of her own face bring comfort and contentment.

Siblings are the greatest gifts we can give our children.

Let’s keep loving our children, parenting well, and encouraging dads, as their influence over family is proven to be one of the most significant….

But let’s also trust biology. My daughter was made to be an athlete. It’s simply in her DNA. Let’s embrace the truth that both nature and nurture are vital to the way our children turn out.

If you haven’t seen Three Identical Strangers, please step into a wild ride, a total thrill seeker, the crazy truth of what it looks like when biological siblings are raised apart. (Click here for the trailer of “Three Identical Strangers”)

(I wrote this post on my own accord. I wasn’t solicited, paid, or endorced in any way for the mention of this movie)