7 Marriage Tips From My Parents, Married 52 Years

We danced. Every couple, after the young ones said their vows.

One by one couples left the dance floor & only those who’d been married the longest remained. 52 years!

They had a legacy, done what can seem impossible in an age of fractured relationships & broken people.

Then, they played the song I’d heard my dad play for my mom as a child.

Sometimes she was home, other times he’d reminisce while she was gone, sitting by the sound box with tears in his eyes, singing, “Lady, I’m your knight & shining armor & I love you….” by Kenny Rogers.

When I was young, I didn’t understand what real love was, but I watched & I listened.

• I witnessed those filthy work boots, with cement plastered to them after my dad came home each day from work.
• I held those thick-skinned, hard working hands, with blackened fingernails & not a day passing without multiple callouses on them.
• I smelled my mom’s cooking in the kitchen though she’d just cleaned the house of someone who passed, took a meal to the church, always serving quietly, feeling graeful, content, and blessed.
• I witnessed the way they looked into each others eyes, made time to connect in a world with jobs & children.
• I heard the long conversations late into the night that would sooth me to sleep, in an age where voices were our company, not t.v.’s or iphones.

And I knew they would last, never worried of divorce, because these two had something that surpassed our age of greed & selfishness, business & distractions.

The danced the day daughter got married. I look at their marriage of fifty-two years and sit back and contemplate lessons I learned from my parents. Here are a few….

1. Make time with you spouse a priority.My mom was always home when my dad got home from work. On days off, the day was spent devoted to their relationship…not the kids needs, not the current events, friends, or other priorities…but the marriage relationship between both of my parents.
2. Serve one another. My mom was and still is the biggest servant I know. She puts others needs before herself. So does my dad. They don’t complain, weigh, or even second guess whether they should help someone…or the other…they just do it. Because service can be the glue to any relationship….broken and struggling or not. It’s hard to have division when one spouse is serving the other. Don’t wait to feel like it…just serve. It blesses a marriage.
3. Show your spouse respect. In a day that makes it popular to “share our thoughts” or feelings. To make a “dig” or throw sarcasigm to see who is funniest….Words aren’t guarded. Spouses can get wounded by harsh words said in moments of frustration. But when we prioritize respecting our spouse, regardless of what they do or say to us, we can guarantee our conscience will be clear…and gluing a marriage is easier than repairing harsh treatment.
4. Don’t flip the script, making the kids the parents. A house where the children become like the parents is destine to fail. My parents modeled well, we respected authority, but they allow allowed us to be kids, making us feel safe under their guardianship. A good sign of a homes dysfunction is when one parent substitutes a child for the role of the other parent. Or worse yet, when all the child(ren)’s wants or desires come before the needs of the couple, the parents.
5. Keep God and prayer as the center. Scripture says a strand of three won’t be quickly broken. It is true, a couple that prays together, stays together. And that’s not just holding hands and praying outloud before bed together…it also includes each parent on their knees for their other spouse, praying over them when there is hardship and gathering with friends, or asking those outside your family to pray for the needs in your marriage. (If you put your name in the comments, I would love to personally pray for you, as well!)
6. Have fun and don’t forget to laugh. Oh how I can’t understestimate this very key value of a happy marriage. Laugher truly IS medicine for the soul. Too often, we can talk a subject to death, when in reality, all you need to do is go out with your spouse and find something to laugh about. Laugher is better than antidepressents, binge watching television or complaining to our friends about how disfunctional our marriage is. So, go out, enjoy yourself and laugh!
7. Surprises add life to any marriage. Some of my favorite memories as a child were those early Saturday mornings when my dad would wake us kids up and say, “Your mom and I are going over the hump…Let’s go!” This basically meant, they were taking an impromptu car ride over the mountains and we were coming. No strict rules, tight agenda, harsh commitments…just adventure! Monotony can destroy even the most well-intended soul. Take a suprise date to the park for a picnic, drive the long way home, or make a fun dinner and have an “in house” date when the kids go to bed. It will add vitality and life to your marriage.

That night at my daughter’s wedding, they played that song, “Lady” on the dance floor. It took my dad a second to realize this was “HIS song” for my mom….

Then, a finger swiped his eye as his powder blue eyes filled as he gazed at the one he loves.

In all the years I’ve lived, there are few things that can match the peace & contentment found in parents with a marriage that clearly reflects a deep & committed love like theirs.

Thank you mom & dad for paving the way for what a healthy, whole, beautiful marriage looks like.

Your love is timeless, your examples endless & the model you set for us all, priceless. And Dad…She truly is…your lady.

(To listen to my parent’s song, click here)