You Are A Little Bit Taller Now…

I saw you today. Far from your home. Your afro-blonde curls, like a magnet to my soul. But you were taller, quieter, stronger than before.

I almost didn’t recognize you. 

I saw your little brother first. Mohawk, running A.D.D. as usual, until some blonde lady called him near.

I didn’t recognize him either, so I ventured on. But the whole time I thought, questioned, hoped….could this be you?

I wasn’t sure. You have grown…and so have I.

We venture to the check-out. My heart grieved as I remember your situation. Your mom asking, BEGGING my husband for us to adopt you.

Me dancing with the notion. Wondering if it was God’s plan for a four and six year-old to come here as my children.

I asked God, really sought God for discernment.

I remember when I gave you both sleeping bags. How your faces lit up and you hugged me like I had handed you the Universe on a platter.

That time you returned and hugged me again. You cried and begged us not to send you back.

And yet, I didn’t know you. Hadn’t met your mom yet. This was before she told me her story, cried for me to keep you. Asked for help, but didn’t know how to rescue herself from her nightmare…

She was incapable of ripping out the chapter that involved pain and heartache, and how she wished for a life that was different than the one she owned.

“She doesn’t want her children.” The employees at her work told us in no uncertain terms.

Maybe in a different life, different season…in a world much different than the one she lived…things would have been different.

But it wasn’t. We know that, both you and I. 

And it honestly took less than 1/100th of a second for me to fall in love with your younger brother. His longing eyes, His desperate look. His open arms gripping my neck so tight, not letting me go…

Like a baby that had never been nurtured.

But it was that day he came with a black eye and two socks that were different, each with holes in them…

It was that second, I realized everyone’s safety was more important than any parent’s future plans, your mothers cry to “take you”.

That day, everything changed for us.

The stories came like rumbling thunder of loud torrents and two children begging not to return home.

So, I knew I might lose you…but I had to do what was right. I knew that night I had dreams that terrified me for your younger brother’s safety.

And how could I have done justice if I didn’t reach out and atleast try to help your mother?

And oh, how your mom desperately needed saving….

So, I did what my conscious insisted…even though I knew the risk of never seeing you again.

Then, I waited, prayed, and asked God, “What is my roll in this particular family’s situation.”

She said she wanted me to be your mother. And I could tell you wanted it too, when I ran into you at Target, grey eyes staring at me at the check-out isle with some stranger waiting for you in the doorway.

“Is that your mom?” I knew it wasn’t, but I asked anyway.

“No”, you answered sheepishly. Then, you mumbled something about your dad who had once abandoned you in Florida.

“My husband tried calling your mom over and over again, in hopes that you could come back and visit us, but she never answered.” I wanted to assure you…We never abandoned you.

“I know.” You said, like a daughter who wasn’t kept in the dark, held captive to lies any longer….like a young woman who had been around the block and had come out on the other side stronger.

You have braces now. Braces! Signs that somebody loves you, that someone near to you must truly care about your good and welfare. I am so happy for that.

No more dirty clothes, scared face. No more anxious looks, as if a wolf will jump out of the woodwork any moment and devour you…

And now…it appears you have someone to permanently care for you. What a gift! It truly is. Everyone deserves unconditional love.

You were taller when I saw you. You stood close and just stared. And some people think kids just make up stories and lie to manipulate others….

But you were honest. I knew that. You were truthful as pain leaked from your eyes and you told me of that terrible nightmare.

Yes, I knew that day when your little brother hugged me tight, grabbed my face with both hands, and kissed me on the top of my forehead…

Yes, I knew what you were telling me was true.

His kiss as if saying, “Thank you”....

The way you begged me to never make you return.

And you don’t have to be a counselor to hear the fears of a child. To see real pain in people’s eyes.

For I have learned, whatever is covered in darkness will eventually and always make its way into the light.

Yes, you are transparent and resilient now, and just needed a safe place to let your dreams grow brighter….

Thankfully, you were taller when I saw you…taller….and so was I.

Our home is full now. I failed to tell you that when I saw you. New children entered and the space for beds and times makes it impossible for us to take you….

And yet, I chose to do what was best for all of you; not just what was quickest and easiest.

Yes, I have heard it said, “True love does what’s BEST for the other person…not just what is easiest.”

And although you went home with another lady that day in Target, my heart is so full with the hope that you are safe now, clean, taller, brighter, happier, and thankful….

Our lives crossed for a purpose…because what you also didn’t know is….I had been praying that God would let me hear from you, see you….

Know that you are o.k…

And seeing you the other day? Well, that was a miracle.

I mean, you were here, at Target, cities away from where you used to live.

One moment. One season. And hopefully you are a thousand chapters away from the heartache you once experienced….

Our journeys crossed here for a purpose….

And I am happy we were never strangers, grateful I was able to say “yes” to whatever God had for us…

Willing to take you on as my children, if that’s what where destsiny would have taken us.

Because retirement and assets, and vacations around the world mean nothing…

God simply longs for our “yes”…and if that meant “you”, I would have been obedient.

For I have also learned…Obedience always prefaces the miracle.

And you, sweet girl…deserve happiness. You deserve to be strong, and fearless, and don’t need some mom’s boyfriend to wake you again to fear.

And no, I don’t have the answers….where you are, where you’ll go, or how the future will mold us individually…

But, what I do know is that you are stronger and taller, and more capable than you ever thought imaginable.

And I will forever hold you dear….

I will never forget that huge hug and you thanking me for rescuing you from that terrifying night. I will never forget that kiss on my forehead from your brother….

Because no child should ever have to grow up trapped inside some nightmare…

You were made for beauty, dear child, beauty and so much more. 

Yes, you are a little bit taller, sweet girl…A little bit taller…

And so am I.