“What will you do next?” They ask from the shadows, peeking into this life He has called me to.
The ground hasn’t even settled from China, my heart is still there, my feet, still finding footing in a place where we have freedoms, but too often, fail to use them…
This burning still resonates, yet, I am not sure how to use it.
“I don’t know.” I respond. Sounding despondent, or at least somewhat ignorant….but what I do know is this call is His purpose, any passion, any pathway He puts in front of me, He must be leading…
I am a terrible guide.
That moment I threw up my hands and was abandoned to my Savior, more than a dozen years ago, changed me.
I had gone to church my whole life, but until you sense His beauty, come face to face with the mirror of your own selfishness, nothing will change.
And I knew I would never be the same. I knew that call, those dreams, the passions He places in us, were meant for something…
Not to be placed on a shelf and to be looked at…until it was too late.
I open 
Scripture this morning, “I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Phil. 3:8)
And in a world of striving, to count the cost, to give up a life, in a world of much, and mirages of celebrities…
I lay low my life, and take up what He asks of me, even though the path isn’t easy, the road sometimes bumpy.
Because, “For His sake I have lost everything and considered it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in or that I may win (gain) Christ (The Annointed One).” (Phil. 3:8)
And that doesn’t mean I am a saint. It doesn’t mean there is something inside me that is special or select, or more blessed than anyone reading this….
What it means is…
- I know what it means to be content with little or content in much.
- I know the prize and the power of His great love…and because of it, I will never be the same.
- I have tasted and seen and can confess quite confidently, I want nothing else, but Him.
The house rumbles with people. Some my own, some lended. And I awake to the goodness of all He has done for me.
I was dyslexic, still struggling to write or read without words flipping, or being able to spell simple letters, especially when I am stressed or tired…
And yet, He gives me power to write. He gives me that ability to love words, and reading, and for books to be devoured like sponges….
Apart from Him, even typing this would be impossible.
And I wonder if, the very things you struggle most with, is actually the point of your purpose and road to your greatest calling.
I never wanted to get married and have kids, except for a few years when I was small, in Elementary school. I kicked the goads, and resisted this call to be “held down” or “weighted with children”….
And yet, my husband and I have been married nearly twenty-five years, and
we parent amazingly together, nearly two dozen children now, foster, adopted, and bio…
And again, could it be, the very things you question and doubt, the area of your greatest weakness or fear, is the platform of the place, He wants to place your feet?
Could it be, He has called you to go, so that His strength can be made magnificent through you….not so you can get all the glory?
Instead, “We put no confidence or dependence [on what we are] in the flesh and on outward privileges and physical advantages and external appearances – I am the last to rely on my flesh.” (Phil. 3:3)
And…
- Maybe we shouldn’t be climbing up, but down from our pedestals.
- Maybe, instead of striving, we should be giving up what we think we are capable of….
- Maybe it is in the laying down, when we pick up our callings.
- Maybe it’s in the offering, when we are most rewarded.
- Maybe it’s in our weakness, His strength is known most evident.
May we come to know the power of resurrection, share in His suffering, to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness]. (Phil. 3:10)
And yet, I hear them, “Climb higher towards Jesus”. “Be all YOU were made to be.” “Grab new life”, and “Apply positive thinking and you will receive His power.”
Yet…
- Who of us have faith, if not given to us, by God alone?
- How many can consistently walk in their destiny if God hadn’t been directing them?
- How many know the power of His resurrection and the beauty of His holiness, if not first experiencing, and tasting of our sin, the fullness of our darkness, in and apart from Him.
- Isn’t it through His grace, we have been given everything?
- Isn’t it because of His mercy, we can walk in our purpose?
- Isn’t it only by His way, we can experience break-through?
They ask, “What’s next?” Thoughts of China, and building orphanages in Peru, a home here filled with children, and a thousand other things sift through my mind….
Yet, I answer, “I don’t know, yet. I will wait. And pray and ask what He wants.”
It is all by His power, through His purpose. Yes, I will wait and and seek His voice to lead me, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” (Phil. 3:13)
Asking, pleading, praying, and waiting….knowing we are citizens of Heaven (Phil. 3:20), standing firm (Phil. 4:1), working hard (Phil. 4:2), rejoicing in the Lord (Phi. 4:4), not being afraid or having anxiety about anything. (Phil. 4:6)
He is my reward. And in Him, His peace is overwhelming. It’s only because of Him, any of us, could ever live out or callings….
Won’t we press into His heart. Be whole. Feel loved. And make our resting place, the foundation of His call.
Nothing else shall satisfy, His breath, our life. His voice the compass to any purpose, all power, and any sincere, holy calling.
