Why Marriage Is Worth It

All four kids are gone. It seems stranger. We could run errands, do house chores, which is what we usually do when space allows…

But today, instead of circling our marriage around what has to be done, he takes me on a drive…

Across the bridge, to the island, out on the kayaks we took our children…

When the bay was choppy, and we didn’t know if we quite would make it.

Ten years later, the water is smooth. There are no waves, almost tossing our boat over, with toddlers, and fears that whales swam below.

We row out, not separate, like we might have nearly a decade ago, because paddling together seemed difficult, unnecessary…

Then, we trusted our own strength, more than we trusted each others.

Today, we row in a kayak made for two, we get out deep, sit silently, almost dream-like, as seals bob their heads around us.

All is still. And the earth and sky seem to melt inside us.

And we have found this place where couples are one; with God, with nature, with each other.

And then, it’s Saturday.

Still refreshed from the full day spent with my husband, I soak in the reality that my own parents have been married 50 years.

I reflect on growing up and never hearing them fight. How at night, it wasn’t the blare of the t.v. but my parents talking that I fell asleep to as a child…

And in the heat of marriage, we can forget why we are doing it…

We can implode meditating on hear and now, while failing to realize…

There are many around, watching how we treat each other.

When fireworks blare through your house, you can be drown to the reality that there is any eyes of the crowd looking at how you will handle conflict…

Future generation modeling marriage after our choices.

And we must ask, is our marriage more about feelings, or a covenant made in the sight of God, for the purpose of reflecting our relationship with Him?

Do we hold onto to Him when shoes are scattered all over every room, arguments about children or finances blind you to the reality that marriage is all about unity…

Do we forget, we as couples are not enemies, but players on the same team, fighting for the same cause, love and eternity.

I see my parents smile at each other when I go to visit them.

My father says with tears in his eyes, after fifty years, “She is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

My mom faithfully serves my dad coffee, not needing to post every act-of-service on Facebook.

She humbly takes care of his needs, and yet she counts it an honor, not a burden.

And yet, in today’s world of being seen and demanding rights as people and individuals…

I wonder if we forget that marriage isn’t just about celebrating, and winning, feeling good, and picture perfect kayak trips with seals swimming…

Marriage is about God purifying us, teaching us selflessness, helping us to mold willingly into His imagine.

And we can either resist the process, or humble ourselves to the possibility that He knew what He was doing when He gave us our spouse.

And might when we finish each others sentences years later, it make up for some of our struggling beginnings and middles…

For far too often, we give up on the mountain after climbing half way up, turn back partskipping the glorious view at the summit.

Oh that I might live like my parents, three children, two hand-fulls of grandchildren….

Sitting back and rejoicing that each are still married, and each family is committed to Jesus.

Yet, sometimes I miss it. I miss the beauty in the long work days with little ones screaming.

I can miss the treasure it is to have my husband come home after a long day of working and kiss me on the cheek.

And to think, generations will follow the model that we give them.

Will we love and keep loving, pressing through the switchbacks of life and keep trudging to the top?

Will we look back after fifty years and covet the moments we spent with each other…

Or will we cave to the lies of the world that says, something or someone isbetter…another life is what we want?

Will we give into this culture’s lust for discontentment, and greed for more than what lies before us…

Or will we embrace whatever season we are in, and trust that tomorrow has beauty in it, even if we can’t quite see it yet?

Will we look back after fifty years, in awe of how God got us through all of it…And in retrospect, every twisting path, every steep climb, every rock we overstepped was worth it…

Yes, beautiful is in the trek.

And sometimes we don’t see we are almost to the summit, because we’re so caught in the trees at the moment.

Yes, I so want moments floating on the sea with my husband. But I also want to be faithful through all kinds of water, in each and every season…

Because marriage is less about me, and more about honoring this covenant we have promised to one another…

In thick and thin, in richness or while poor, in sickness and in health…

So we can look back and see…

To generations coming after us, and to our own soul despite the high and low points…

It is worth it. Marriage is truly worth it.

Ask my parents, who today are celebrating fifty year of marriage.

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