God Has Not Left You

It’s 4:00 a.m. My spirit rises from sleep. The faces of those I have sought to love surface in front of me.

And I wonder why I do it.

Wouldn’t it be easier to live safe, hunkered down with my husband, three kids, in our big house, large property, looking forward to retirement in just a few years?

Why did I shake the comfort zones of my family, my church, my community…my very own soul….All because of this call to care for and advocate for the orphan?

Wouldn’t it be easier to throw in the towel and live like other people; boating, going on runs, traveling, going camping, whenever we wanted…

Without dealing with conflict and drama and years of uncertainty, and systems that have just plain failed us?

I lay in bed wondering.

Then, I plead in mercy and compassion…For my husband, my own children, and for heavenly understanding.

And for the first time; not out of fear or frustration, but out of love like I have rarely experienced…

My words fall with my tears, not out of anguish, but mercy. Out of this well of great love for understanding the sacrifices they have each made for this calling.

And when life doesn’t look the way you wanted, when “doing good” leaves you barren and interrogated….you can question your calling and the goodness of God. 

In the night-air, under the breath of cries pleading “help me”…You can start to “get” why other people accept apathy, hide their heads in the sand, live self-sustaining lives that don’t see, don’t hear, don’t do anything….

And I wonder how many have tried, but were silently left disillusioned, concluding God is far, not good, or just….simply resolving to live for fun, after somewhere along the way, doubting God’s sovereignty.

And no, we as believers would never confess we doubt God, but how many live for “self” or use karma-like scales to determine our own worth, or significance…

A house of cards, hiding their own insecurities.

But what we can miss in our self-sustained missions, man-made rules, doctrine’s of “works” deceiving us, is this…

Grace is not earned, or merited, not some false religion we are born into it. Grace can’t be bought, or taught to us, caught, or hidden in some cult-like belief system that says, “I am good because I have strived, worked hard, or earned it.”

Grace is a free gift. One which has been given to us by the sacrificial death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.

It’s 4:00 a.m. I wipe my tears, and quietly whisper these prayers before my Savior.

And then, I feel it….

Like a gust of goodness, His tangible presence nears me.

His quiet whisper to my soul reminds me at my deepest core, He is The One who made me….

“I am here.”

I see the fire of Shadrack, Meeshak, Abednigo. Yet it is not them, but I who stands in the flaming furnace.

His whisper comes again, gently to the deepness of my consciousness, “Don’t you remember the story? I never allowed even a hair on their heads to be singed.”

And to an outsider, it may seem like nothing. But to the one who receives Him, they will never be the same again.

I think about the rest of the story. About how the one who threw the men into the fire actually praised their God when the story was finished.

Shadrack, Meeshak, Abednigo were not only, not harmed by the fire, but the ropes that bound them were burned off completely. Those once bound and thrown into the fire, were now fully alive and walking around unbound, in the fiery furnace, with God by their side. 

His breath fills me. A peace blankets me at my very core. It is then, I know why I was awakened.

I get a text. 4:23 a.m. It’s a friend who is out of state. I know I must pray for her.

4:35 a.m. Another message comes in. “New baby arrived.” It’s from Chi*a. A new face of a parent-less infant sits staring at me.

He is wrapped in swaddling clothes; perfect, innocent, needy.

God sparks my heart awake again, there in the early morning hours….

For children, for people undeserving, for the needy. Giving me fresh faith for this journey.

And He reminds me that the sacrifice is worth the miracles, the lives we give aren’t ours, but His anyway, when it is finished.

False religions harsh, punishing, demanding forced submission…But my God only gives good gifts; this opportunity, an invitations to serve Him.

And it is our choice whether we will follow.

I am reminded of the loving arms that are wrapped around this orphan. The man who didn’t laugh or rejoice that His children were in the fire….but the one who “came near” and walked with them.

And I don’t know where you are today. If you feel like God is “mean” or has betrayed you. If you feel like God must not be good because bad things have happened….

But God has never left or abandoned you…

God’s mercy is unending, His love is overwhelming. His kindness leads to repentance, His patient and long-suffering are far beyond anything we can imagine. 

He doesn’t demand you “get your life together” before you call upon Him. He doesn’t insist you strive, or perform before you can enter His holiness….

God sits with open arms, open heart, and open hands. He waits for us to come near Him, so we can receive His love and mercy.

And despite what you have done or where you have been….His forgiveness is enough.

It’s 5:00 a.m.. I text my husband, “I love you”…

Then close my eyes, give thanks for that new orphan in Chi*a rescued and saved….

For my friend who texted from another state. For the patience of my husband, my children who endure so much this past decade while we have been advocating for orphans.

And lastly, I praise The One who I was reminded, is standing in the fire with me.

My prayer is that you will seek Him fervently. Pour out your heart out to God. He will come near you. He hears our prayers. He wants to stand in the fire of your afflictions with you.

It’s not too late.

God has never left you.

 

“For the LORD loves justice and will not abandon His faithful ones.” ~ Psalms 37:28

“As I was with Moses, I will be with you, I will never leave or forsake you.” ~ Joshua 1:5

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” ~ Hebrews 13:5

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for theLord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” ~ Deut. 31:6

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” ~ Deut 31:8