A Homeschool Mom’s Beginning Of The Year Prayer

I didn’t want to do it. I wrestled and fought…but the gentle nudge never faded.

If fact, it only got stronger.

My mind, will, and emotions wrestled and questioned…but my spirit rose higher and I knew I had to listen.

Finally after encountering a day upon my knees…I bowed low, and submitted to what He alone was telling me.

And isn’t it funny how we have been brainwashed into believing the lie of many modern-day brands of Christianity, “If it feels good, do it. It must be from God.”

But I’ve been learning…God doesn’t always call us to what WE want. He challenges and draws us higher than any type-of-living we might conjure up on our own. 

Following Him is rarely, if ever easy.

And to know God, to call him our own, to be the vessel in His hands, we must be willing to bend, mold, be transformed by His will…not living by our own rational.

So, I said, “yes”.  Trembling.

Then, I withdrew my daughter, who was in school, hearing impaired, since three-years-old.

And I think it would have been easier if I had not homeschooled our older two for eight years. I might have been blind and ignorant to the hard work, the enormous call and responsibility of homeschooling my children…

But I had done it for so long. And…

• I had felt the weight of sitting doing Algebra with my children for hours at a time.
• I had remembered the carefully balancing of sports, and creativity, socialization, academics…as well as family and God-centered teaching.
• I had cried myself to sleep, thinking I had failed, and labored and prayed over the coming day, begging God to help me to be the best teacher I knew how.

But then, I also remembered the beauty…

• The laughter, the silliness, the getting to do schoolwork in our pajamas, or changing a curriculum mid-year, because something just wasn’t working.
• I remembered the faith walk, God calling us into orphan care during that season.
• The on-fire revival that burned in each of us, as we put God as the center and lived boldly in faith…instead of struggling to simply survival, like most people.
• I recalled the solid relationship between my family (formed from spending day after day together) that still exists today.
• And I covet all the fruit of raising two children who still love Jesus, and haven’t fallen into the trap that money and power and prestige, are all they are here to live for.

I see my nine-year-old and want all God has for her, and more.

Yet, whenever we walk where God wants, there will always be resistance…

• My nine-year-old cried, not wanting to be homeschooled.
• People close to us thought I was crazy for pulling a little girl who made friends easy and was part of the leadership team at school.
• My own mind doubted whether I was ruining my life, and whether a little girl who seems to thrive, could survive surrounded by the life of homeschool.
• I wondered if God-centered teaching was really necessary, and heard constant lies whispering, “just give in to worldly ideologies seeping into the public school curriculum. What’s the big deal?”
• I even justified that bullying somehow might be necessary, wondering if, “survival of the fittest” was God’s notion, not some phrase coined by evolutionist, Herbert Spencer.

And I had forgotten what Jesus and scripture teaches….the goal of our life is to “give it away”, we are to live for Him and the goodness of others, we are called to die to ourselves, being obedient sheep, walking by faith and actually doing, everything He wishes.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. [they obey]” ~ John 10:27

And isn’t it funny when we follow God, when we learn to go where He calls…

• The wars of hell often come and seem to fight against us.
• Our own flesh tries surfacing the familiar cultural gods of comfort and convenience…
• Messages of what “I” want and “I” need will start filling our heads involuntarily.
• We often wrestle deep and pointless with the God of the Universe, like Jacob

Because let’s face it friends….

Our flesh never dies easily. That’s why Paul testifies, “I am crucified with Christ. It is not I anymore who lives, but Christ who lives in me.” ~ Gal. 2:20

Our flesh never dies easily. That’s why Paul testifies, “I am crucified with Christ. It is not I anymore who lives, but Christ who lives in me.” ~ Gal. 2:20

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And yet,  in this homeschooling, wild adventure of living for God as King, I give in and give up…

But then I actually do find the peace that He promises, surpassing my understanding as I am obedient.

And I am reminded….

He is King. He is Lord. He is God over my own heart, mind, and soul.  He is ruler over my own will…as well as my daughter’s education.

• God didn’t die so that we could live just like the world.
• He didn’t die so that we could appease our own selves.
• God didn’t give us faith in this world, to only follow where we are comfortable, go where we want or know we will be well-equipped, easily.

God called us to live large, different, counter-culture in a world that often seems like they could just erase Jesus…and nothing would change.

God called us to live large, different, counter-culture in a world that often seems like they could just erase Jesus…and nothing would change.

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Lord,

Make me faithful, I pray.  Give me the tools needed to be your faithful servant; sold out, submitted, and completely surrendered to you.  

Because apart from you, I am weak, useless, incapable of doing anything.

You love me Lord.  And you love my children. You alone Lord are all knowing, omnipresent and ruler of my soul.  

I trust you, Lord.

Give me what I need this year; perseverance, fortitude, wisdom, discernment, strength, encouragement, and faith like a giant…to home-school my children humbly, and in the way that’s pleasing and is glorifying to you.

Thank you Jesus.  I love you.

Your daughter and servant. Your friend,

Jen