“And they lived happily ever after,” the story goes.
Encircled around the table, we weren’t even discussing Disney. We were diving into the word, surrender.
But then somehow (as most girl conversations go), we got a little off topic. Women started sharing about their husbands. We start discussing the challenges of marriage, until I blurt out quite spontaneous….
“Well, you know, I really just blame Disney for ruining the first decade of my marriage.”
Everyone startled hollering in hysterics. I looked around sincerely not expecting to be funny.
I was serious, I mean what’s the deal? Help-less damsels, seeking wealthy princes to come and sweep them off of their feet?
Do you know how hard it is growing up when your reality is Snow White and mice magically changing to four white, carriage carriers?
And truth be told, nothing about my childhood was ever white. Or easy. Or magical for that matter.
Still, I get that fairy-tales and vain imaginations parallel the core desire we have for all of us to find Jesus. The one who will return on a white horse, and will come back for a bride, as he unites with us….
But, how do you do marriage when you feel like a victim? How can anyone really be happy if they are looking for their identity in a husband? How can all of us cling to a God we are needing….if we think our spouses, a spouse-to-be, or anyone else really, is the answer to all our hopes and dreams?
I used to sit as a little girl following a star night in, night out….as if somehow it was magical and would reach down and pull me out of my circumstances.
But growing up, I found the “Wishing upon a Star” Disney pushes, never existed. And eventually I had to leave my chamber in the sky and go out and face the “real world” where there is pain, difficulties, and situations that must drive us to more than dreaming.
In doing so, I found that life, and marriage for that matter, is not a helpless damsel lost without a prince charming. But an opportunity to grow, change, challenge ourselves. A chance to selfless serve those God puts around us…the one our gold rings connect us with.
And the reality is, marriage is hard work.
It takes tenacity, diligence, perseverance….getting up time and time again in a society that sees people as dispensable, and doesn’t value selflessness sacrifice, or surrender.
Truth is, marriage is more like our relationship with Jesus….it’s a gift that crucifies our need to live in light of ourselves, and opens our mind, heart, body, and soul to more eternal, glorious, and unified purposes.
And almost humorously, there can be more cooking, cleaning, laboring once married with children, than what Cinderella experienced before her prince rescued her from her life.
And once I realized that there are no men on white horses to simplify my life…no fleshly rescuer to save me from my sad little childhood….once I got that my only Savior is the Lord Jesus Christ, coming on His white horse to take us to the mansion in the sky….
Life, and marriage, and my happiness with others and myself become sweeter, and much more attainable.
Call it reverse psychology, but the more humble we are, the more we can appreciate what God has given us. The more we can be thankful for the little moments, the treasures God puts around us.
Yes, sometimes Disney with your five year old, curled up with popcorn, and starry eyes dreaming of better things to come is not in and of itself an awful thing….
But one warning from me….
Don’t place all your hopes and dreams in anyone other than Jesus. And don’t let Disney, Cinderella, or Snow White inadvertently ruin your marriage….
Marriage is so much better, when we consider others better than ourselves, and are willing to lay down our wills….
Instead of picking up glass slippers, and thinking they, or a prince, or anyone else for that matter…..will ever make us whole, being the escape we find from this sometimes difficult world.
Yes, it’s true, we as believers we will live, “happily ever after”.
But let’s face it, until we get to heaven, we must see our husbands less like prince charming…and more human, fallible, and having real life struggles, and flawed imperfections….
Like us…if we are honest.
How has Disney poisoned your marriage?
(Linking with Barbie, Michelle)
5 Comments
Yeah, I get it.
I was always a dreamer, a hopeless romantic – and though romance is a precious thing, and a vital part of marriage – it can also be a trap of the enemy. I mean this in the way that he skews the concept of true love. I always wanted the fairy tale. But the fairy tale doesn’t have much to do with real-life, sometimes gritty, TRUE love.
We are TRULY loved only by our Savior – who then enables us to love those around us.
My husband is wonderful – but he’s just as wonderfully flawed as I am. So, yes, marriage is work – sometimes hard work.
The fairy tale still awaits though – when The Bridegroom comes for His bride, the church. Now THAT is going to be a wedding celebration that Disney can NEVER compete with!!
GOD BLESS!
Hi Jen! I remember dreaming about what my husband would look like on that white horse pulling up in front of my house…. Nothing like my husband, that’s for sure! And of course, I look nothing like Cinderella.
Learning that the good and bad come together is a hard lesson sometimes. Especially if I am set-up to think that it’s all going to be perfect. (Which it never is.) I like your graphic with “there is only one Prince..” So true!
Can’t wait for our Lord to come and sweep me off my feet. And if I pay attention, he does that every day!
Have a great weekend 🙂
Ceil
I so get this…our unrealistic expectations ruin our relationships…not just with our spouse, but friendships as well. No one can fill the needs in our heart but God, or else that person would be god to us. Great post, Jen…I’m next to you at Barbie’s today.
Great post, Jen! Disney World was just being built when I was born, so I didn’t grow up watching all the movies the way I know many kids have. For me reality and imagination has always had a clear dividing line. I have also learned that God is much more interested in my holiness than in my happiness. This lesson brings many things in perspective, especially relationships. I found that once I found my identity in Christ, rather than looking for it in the things of this world, I was able to enjoy the creativity of movies and books, etc, with falling victim to the seeds of discontentment that they can sometimes sow. Thank you for sharing – marriage is attacked in so many ways, it’s important to be wise and on guard to all of them!
Dear Jenn
My oldest son and his girlfriend, whom I love to bits, want to get married early next year. I am already telling both of them over and over again that they should never look to one another to be what only our Lord Jesus can be. That is a recipe for disaster on any relationship. When they each are each personally united with Jesus in Spirit, they need to look up together as one flesh to be united as a couple to Jesus as well. That is how man is created and the only way man can function; out of the spiritual life of God.
Blessings XX
Mia