Letting Go the Battle to Control Our Husbands

He wakes.  Sits straight up.  “I think we are supposed to go to Dominican Republic”.

“Hmmm?” I whisper, eyes not even open yet. “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know”, husband responds. “I just think we are supposed to go.”

Little is said. Time drifts us into reality and we lay hold “the seen” more than gripping some dream that might be our wishes, hopes, our own thoughts….rather than Gods.

But then, a few days later, it happens again.

He sits straight up.“I think we are supposed to go to Dominican Republic.”

“What?” I grovel at the thought at first, wondering why my husband keeps interrupting my sleep. “Why do you say that?” Not fully awake.

But as he doesn’t lay back down, my spirit starts to rise too, telling me this is no coincidence, no random happenstance, no shadow of my husbands own earthly desires.

“I just think we are supposed to go.” He moves not from his upright position.  So I query further….

“Who is supposed to go?”

“Just you and me.” He says rather monotone, not moving, or even looking at me.

“No kids?”  O.k. now I know this is serious. Only a few times in twenty years have we ever been away without kids.

“Ya, no kids.”

I wish you knew our journey, or lived within the four walls of our busy house. You would know that my husband would never just come up with this idea to fly off with our church across the country to visit the poor in Dominican Republic.

He grew up wealthy (o.k. very wealthy) as a child in South America.  And next to India, South American has some of the biggest dispersities between rich and poor.

And though my husband had maids, servants, and a nanny all his own…He lived in the reality that children walk through garbage dumps, others are stolen.  He has seen people dismembered in the gorilla warfare in the 80’s….of the country that once was his home.

Still, I can’t tell you how we got here. It was nothing short of grace….Two young people, desperately clinging for hope…in each other, in our children…in Jesus.

Still, I am learning the longer I am married, the more I realize how much I need to silence myself and put my faith alone in Jesus.

One day, while praying for the men’s group my husband was leading, and the women’s group I was co-leading, I sensed God whisper something to me so clearly….

“The men won’t rise up, because the women won’t repent.”

It clenched me somewhere deep.  And I took that as meaning that often we, as women, can be the very things keeping our husbands from following God.  I know, it sounds harsh….but please hear me out…

Quite innocently, and unsuspectingly, we often want to “help” God.  We want to play the Holy Spirit, and so we nag, pry, and convince our spouses how much they need to do things like we want, we think, we feel called to as believers.

But what if our husbands need to hear God’s own voice on their own…not ours?  What if they are meant to follow, listen to, seek Jehovah….not us?  Will we remain silent so that they listen?

As women, our greatest calling is to pray, seek his face, and repent daily for our own sins; seeking Him alone for how to follow Him obediently.  We are not our husband’s Savior.  We are not the voice our husbands should be following.  They are to follow foremost, God’s voice.

And what if our voices are drowning out God’s voice? How can our husband’s be accountable to a God they can’t hear?

O.K. let’s face it….I didn’t always believe in being a humble wife, one who quietly trusted God to do the work in my husband that I can’t do myself.

But scripture tells us…

And to be real….I bow my head as I write this, remembering of all the times my tongue has stung, or pierced, or pained the one I hold most dear.  It grieves my heart, how I have practices useless religion…the one that says, “I am God”, not believing…really believing there is one greater who can reach him.

We just paid a huge chunk down on our tickets.  We leave February 14th to a poor region in Dominican Republic.  Just the two of us.

And though I have no clue where God is calling or leading us…

I trust my husband.  I trust God, because I know He speaks to him.  I trust the fact that God wakes the sleeping. He spoke to my husband, not once, but twice, with a calling to fly far across the country without our kids to visit the poor….

And I rejoice that the noise of my own soul rests still, is silent, as I ask God to continually create in me a clean heart, renew in me as steadfast spirit that faithfully follow my husband as a believer…

For I don’t want to play God.  I want to honor the One who honors Him.  I want to give up striving and trust the one who holds the universe in the palm of His hand.

And I thank God He is in control.  And that as I follow, He will cover and care for, and be the Lord over our family even more.

I rejoice that as we let go of control we can find stillness in our souls, more peace in our homes than ever before…

Because God is alive and in all of us. He shows no partiality between husbands and wives….

And He can speak to us all….the same.  If we silence ourselves, listen…and pray.

Honoring our husbands can be a difficult thing, filled with much confusion, anger, and possibly even bitterness.  Please note, if your husband is abusive or an addict of any kind, please seek God and possibly a counselor as to what role you might need to play as a wife.  Our first accountability is always to God, and we never submit to our spouse if they are asking us to do something illegal or un-Biblical.  For the rest of us with God-loving, church-going husbands, I cannot stress enough the value of first asking God to see ourselves as He sees us, possibly seeking forgiveness before we pray for, hope for, or even expect God to revolutionize our marriage or spouse. Still there is hope, for when we honor God’s Word and pray…anything can happen!  You can have the marriage you always hoped and dreamed for!  Please know, I am praying for you each today as I write this…..

(Linking with Barbie)