children, gone, help, home, leaving, letting go, parenting

Cutting the Apron Strings and Letting Our Children Go

21 Comments
She swooped the roller across her lime green walls.  And once where there was bright colors.  Black was all I saw.
Covering like the sorrow wallowing from my heart.
  • What happened to my little girl?
  • Why did she want black walls?
  • What had I done wrong in this life to make my sparkles loving, pink, tiara wearing daughter want black walls?

 

I tried to hold it in somehow.  She was growing after all.
Yet giving your child wings is so much easier than watching them fly.
Flying off to school their first day.  To college at eighteen.  Or sitting back and spectating, as they do something radical…like paint their walls black.

I literally read hundreds of books.  I had a library in my house to prove it. I was a good mom. (Or so, I thought) I taught school.  Even majored in childhood education so I wouldn’t do parenting wrong.

But now…this!?

Oh my.  The tears flowed as I turned the corner and found refuge….like a teenager having a tantrum….on my canopy bed.  Mesh swooping down like wings bent, hovering over my emptiness.

I never liked a ton of color.  Preferring white.  She said I was boring.  

But first…shocking green?  (Wasn’t that being liberal enough?) And now black covering her room?  I can see it’s dark surface glaring at me…taunting me with, “You must have done something wrong”.

But, as soon as despair hit, my mama’s words surfaced in my head:
“Don’t judge someone by one act or event. Always look at the pattern of a person’s life and then evaluate them according to that.  
History tells more about a person than a moment or one incidence.  
We must always have grace for people. None of us are perfect.”

Yes (I shouted back)…..but my baby’s bedroom is black?

Why was I freaking out?  I really didn’t know.  As if the universe crashed the moment my little girl took hold that paintbrush and made her own marks on the world laying flat like a blank canvas before her.  Her own signature, making the marks she believed in, with every swoop.

Still I had to wonder…was it because she wasn’t bland, wasn’t plain, didn’t like “white”….like I did….that it gripped me so unusually strange?

I gasp and think of the reality.

Change is a part of life.  Yet…

  • When wombs sheltering, crack open.
  • Children grow wings and leap boldly into the arms of the unknown.
  • When our young ones act like little people all their own….
Sometimes a Mother’s world can crumble…and we lose our footing, our identity, our ability to control…and it can shake us. Immensely. Somewhere deep.  Somewhere real.  Somewhere where even we may not have even realized or known…..


And it is there we find, we were gripping far too tight.  Holding on far too long. Clinging to life as if our children were still nestled safe inside our womb.

But butterflies were made to soar.  A song…not intended to sit unsung….idly all alone.  An architect was created to design a world all it’s own…

So why was I afraid?  Why was I grabbing hold far too tight?  Paralyzing this dancer, this singer, this beautiful creator that came straight from the throne room of God?

  • Who was I to stifle?
  • Place my preference of “white” where there was meant to be color?
  • Hold back what was meant to soar?
  • Keep back the the beauty and fullness and potential God put in her?
  • Who was I to grip so tight that I strangle the goodness right out of her, the glory from a child made out of my flesh and bone?
  • Who was I to not let go…

Though letting go is hard.

I should have known.  Her room turned out beautiful.  She chose (without my input) a drastic contrast of white (my preference) and black (her teenage signature), chandeliers (like a princess) and pink accents (like the little girl she still is).

It’s her.  It’s me.  It’s the both us.  Blended perfectly. I should have seen it.  Earlier.  

For even if children leave, even if they stray, or move off to college….even if they seem estranged…for a while.  Nothing can cut that invisible umbilical cord of love that comes straight from a mother’s heart….to her child’s very soul.

Still, how much easier to let go when we can trust the One who molded them, the One we know holds the universe in His hand.  

Humbling admitting….we are just Mother’s, womb bearers, children carriers.  Simple vessels.

Who sometimes need to breathe, relax, release.  And simply stand back…

And watch our children soar.

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21 Comments

  1. Thanks so much for this beautiful post. The pictures are so descriptive of what you are sharing. Motherhood can be so painful, yet, God reminds us not to be weary in well doing.

    Thanks for hosting Unite this week.

    Reply

  2. Oh, beautiful. What a lovely lesson to be found in a moment that all of us moms have faced. That moment when we realize our children are growing up. I wish it got easier. My sons have long ago left the *nest* – and I still miss them terribly. But, watching their wings spread and soar on their own – well, that’s pretty wonderful.

    Remembering with you that the Lord loves our kids more than we do, and He cares and watches them ALL THE TIME.

    GOD BLESS!

    Reply

  3. Sometimes trying to be perfect parents, we hold on so tight that we limit what God can do in their lives. We have to faithfully call unto Him for guidance in order to raise our children according to His will, let go, surrender, and allow God full access to their lives. It certainly hasn’t been easy!! 🙂 I am so thankful for getting through those years-ha!

    Blessings and love to you Jen!
    Denise

    Reply

    1. Denise – Oh how I can relate! Crying over a painted room? I mean really? Can some please say…”Let go already!” lol Oh where would we be if not for the grace of God….

      Reply

  4. We used the same portion of Scripture this morning for our posts! May we know that He is with our families each & every day! Thank you for sharing & hosting the link up.
    Blessings,
    Joanne

    Reply

  5. I feel you. My “black walls” were the tattoo my younger son wanted. No rebellion… he talked it over with me and waited as I asked, then paid for the tattoo himself. Then another, and another….

    And they all have spiritual significance, representing his oneness with and devotion to the Lord. I can’t complain!
    (Visiting from Jen’s)

    Reply

    1. Janice – Thanks for visiting! Yes…change can always be hard, can’t it? Whether it’s black walls or tatoos, or something else. But so glad God holds onto us through all our changes, different seasons…and various colors. Thanks again for the visit Janice. Many blessings to you.

      Reply

  7. I am going to be bold and link up. I so appreciate your post (and would actually love to see a picture of the finished room). I also appreciate your “Unite” link-up. My last post was nothing spiritual, but it was me, something I wanted to say. Hopefully someone will at least get a laugh from it–laughter being the best medicine and all. God bless!

    Reply

    1. Heard – We must never underestimate the power of laughter!! Yes, excellent medicine, for sure! So glad you didn’t hesitate to share. UNITE posts totally don’t need to be spiritual…they don’t need to be anything really…just YOU! So glad your here linking up! At your request I did post a photo of the before and after photos of my daughters room. You can find it on Rich Faith Risings Facebook page on the right hand side bar! Enjoy! 🙂

      Reply

  8. I love your mama’s wisdom, friend. Letting go is.so.hard. And it takes a lot of listening and not a lot of judging. And giving…of fear to God, of love to my daughters.

    Reply

  9. Jen, I may say this over and over again, but I love your heart and the words you share. I have two grown children so I could relate to how hard it can be to let go and let them be who God created them to be. But I loved what you said here…”Nothing can cut that invisible umbilical cord of love that comes straight from a mother’s heart….to her child’s very soul.”
    A beautiful and powerful post!
    Thank you for hosting us here. You have created a wonderful community. I wish I could get to every person who links up. I’m always blessed by those I do visit.

    Reply

  11. Thank you for describing a small detail of your life and the emotional sorting that it took you through — I can so relate!! Thank you for identifying the shifting that I feel as my children begin to flap their wings, as they begin to identify who they are. It changes their relationship with me and thus shakes me, too. I get it!! But in the end its okay. It’s okay to grapple in the meantime, too. Thanks for making me feel normal.

    Reply

  12. Lol – O.K. I just realized my phone is sending my comments in the order I thought! :/ I guess I will just answer comments in one bulk message. Sorry guys!

    Beth – You are the biggest blessing here at UNITE! So much encouragement from all of you!

    Jody – As is yours! We need to do coffee again, friend!

    Kathleen – As my husband says, “Normal is relative” lol. I think it is beautiful when us as women can grapple with the things of the Lord! Better yet, when we can grapple with them TOGETHER! So much better as ONE! Love & many thanks for sharing your heart in your comment! {{Big Hug}}

    Reply

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