Shocking News. And UNITE

I get the call.  “She is dead.”  I reel for breathe and step back, to keep myself from swaying over at the shock of it all.

“Really?” I question.  Racking my brain to think, “What’s the date?  Is this April’s fools day?  Is there cameras hidden watching me?  Am I on some reality t.v.?”

But, even the cruelest of people would never lie about death.  Especially, this kind.

I call my best friend, from High School.  Time has slipped one speck at a time.  And before I know it, the hour glass of our lives, was filled.  Far.  Distant.  Us both becoming older, more serious…strangers…without us even realizing it. 

“Is it true?  Did your mom pass away?”  Tears, and sobs, and memories come flooding back. And soon, childhood is not that far away.

“I am so sorry.” I whisper.  Shifting. Breathing.  Thinking…“What do I say now?”

But, as words tousle in my mind, like an undercurrent hidden beneath the surface, kept far out of reach, until you step into the tide….

Her words break the silence. “She was just at my daughters track meet the night before.  She was laughing.  Joking.  Infecting the world with her contagious smile.”

I gasp. Sensing where this is going.  “And…when we found her. Her hair was done.  Her makeup on.  Her water jug next to her, as if she was ready to go out and tackle to world, like she used to do.”

“Ready to go?”  I know the feeling.  Wanting.

 Needing.  Prepped to do something. But, not quite sure what.  Not quite fully leaving.

“And that is when she just sat quietly in her chair.  And died.”

I take in the current drowning me.  Memories flashing through my mind.  The kind she must have experienced, on the verge of reaching the other side.

One minute here.  The next gone.  And who are we…even the strongest of us, to control, dictate, have authority over the power of life and death?

Days later. I sit in her memorial.  Memories. Sights, pictures, people….ringing through my today, reminding me of yesterday.

Yesterday, always part of our today.  Our today’s, the stepping stone to

tomorrow.  And I don’t want to go back.  I simply long to go farther, higher, deeper into the safety of the shelter I have found.

Still, isn’t it when we really understand death.  Our past.  Other people.  That the reflections of our Spirits drive us forward, toward the fullness?  Living, savoring each God-breathe given to us?

And who of us have not heard….more?  There is more?  Will you love more?  Will you reach more…beyond what you have been doing…to those around you?

I stand in church and see my pastor point upward.  Silence breaking through His words.  The shifting, shuffling of purses, phones, gum wrappers.  

Until he speaks….“Will we stand, just staring at the sky.  Looking upward for Jesus to return because life is so hard and we just want to go home?  Or will we answer the call, and “GO.” and be the church to those around us?” 

And I wonder why my non-believing friend’s mom, “Got it”.  The need to live, not sit.  Reaching tables and tables filled with people.  While we, as Christians, can too frequently waist life, worrying.  Or sit stagnant, chanting our beliefs to those who already think like us.  Hiding, hesitantly loving, in the safety of our homes.  Instead of standing, and going….recklessly, abandonly, wholeheartedly loving the world like my friends mom did.

“Will we touch each one God puts around us?”  My heart whispers to His silence.  To those long tables, telling stories about my best friends mom.

I take in each breathe.  Intentionally now.  Weighing this home.  Letting little ones wrestling in the house.  I clean, but purposely leave those fingerprints on our picture window where anyone can see them.  So I can see them. I hug my husband a little longer now….when he comes home from work.  Because we never know when one hug could be the last one we grip with human hands.

I don’t want to take life so serious, because although it is, our control of it is deception.  And in the end.  I know, when I have no more breathes to in-hail…and reach up to take the hand of my Blessed Redeemer…..I want to be remember for grace, not judgement.  Love, not persecution.  UNITY….not division and criticism.  

I want people to see God in me.  And I know that for them to do that…I must stop standing in the putrid of a vessel filled with, “me”.  Doing nothing.  Standing frozen….looking up at the sky.  I must actually rise.  “Go” and be the light of Christ to whoever God puts in front of me.  I must put myself aside…and live for the glory of God and the good of others.

After all, you never know when today we may sit down. Take a breathe.  And find ourselves instantly in His presence.

And it is almost as if I can hear Him, now. “What have you done with the grace I have given?  Have you loved people well?”

(Linking with Jen)