The grass was uncut. Again. And there is just something about scraggly lawns that trigger something inside me to go ballistic.
We have fought over uncut grass for years. In counseling. A few years into marriage. “Sell your house. Move into a condo. That way grass won’t be an issue.” Was their instruction.
But, our hearts were far from humble. And instead of moving out of the sight of grass….we moved to more of it. Five acres to be exact.
My Bible Study has been doing Ann Voskamp’s small group study on, “giving thanks”. And to be honest, I didn’t understand how, “giving thanks” could or would change a circumstance….especially one as big as this. But, I did it anyway.
And sometimes when the dead-ends keep getting in the way. You will try anything. In hopes to continue. On a road. Any road. Forward.
This lawn-war happening, right before women were coming over to pray for the orphan. Women I respect. Women who have perfectly manicured yards.
I was at a store. When I got the text. “I am so sorry. But the belt of the lawn mower broke again. And only half of the lawn got mowed.”
Just then. I started boiling. Knowing, it would take all day to get a new belt. Fix it. Then, finish the lawn before friends start coming. Not enough time to mow.
“Of course.” Was my response. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Rolling eyes. Grumbling under my breathe. Accompanied by, an antagonizing imagine of our lawn looking now more like a skunk. Than a five acre parcel of horse country.
But it was then. After twenty years. I did something. Radical. Different. Almost. Over. The. Edge….I prayed.
“God give me a love for my husband. Give me an attitude of praise.”
Just then, I took a real leap of faith. And started filling my mind with thanks.
- “Thank you Lord that I have a husband.”
- “Thank you that he is a wonderful dad to our children.”
- “Thank you that he at least tried to mow before my friends were coming.”
- “Thank you for the half of the lawn that does look better than a whole field that once looked more, like the African Savannah.”
And on and on I went.
And it was then I noticed…Like the Grinch up on top of Mount Crumpit. My heart started growing. The stone in my stomach….Started crumbling. Began softening. So much so, that I simply had to go apologize.
I get outside. Husband’s legs dangling from the floor of that broken down, riding machine. “I am sorry.” I say. “I realized I wasn’t being appreciative. I want you to know that you are more important than grass. Our relationship…more valuable than appearances.”
I concluded with a confession that it was my pride that cares so much about what other people think. This grass-perfectionism causing argument after argument over so many years.
And best thing is? He accepted my apology. He even thanked me…for coming outside to reconcile things.
And I realized, “giving thanks” in hard places, isn’t a wand that will instantly change your circumstances. But it does hold the power of God’s grace….to change you.
And sometimes, that’s all that really needs changing in the first place.
Later, I open randomly The Word. Getting even more convicted. Preparing to share this “thanks”. And a testimony of how our grass-curse, broke. With those in our small group. Reading in the Amplified. 1 Peter 3….
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8 Comments
Oh Jen I so needed this. I struggle with my Husband who does not heed to the Lord’s will. I struggle so much for him to see me and know me in this difficult time we are having with 2 young children. Getting lost in the madness of life and chaos, trying to find each other again. And that verse, oh that verse. Cut me to the quick.
I loved this post. I saw myself in both your before attitude and in your attitude after choosing gratitude and humbling yourself to apologize. I so want to choose the later way more often!
It’s amazing the impact Ann Voskamp’s book has; it has opened my eyes to everyday blessings that I did not see or appreciate the way I should. What a blessed relief and burden lifted from you Jen! I will remember this post next time I am a little frustrated at my husband! 🙂
Blessings for a thank-filled week!
Denise
Beautiful post. It is amazing what it takes for us to realize that “our pasture is green”. Loved that you shared your heart here. Thank you so much!
Blessings,
Joanne
Teresa – My heart goes out to you. I remember how difficult things can be…especially with little ones at home. Before I send this, I will be sure to stop. Pray. And continue to lift your home and your family up unto the Lord. Lots of love sent your way, my friend. Thank you for your comment.
Elizabeth – Me too! Sometimes Proverbs 31 is easy to model. Other times? Well….Ugh.
Denise – Yes, the “thanks” in the trials. Reminds me of that Casting Crowns Song..”I will praise Him in the storm.”
Oh, how I want to thank Him continually. And see His goodness. Especially in the hardest times.
Joanne – So true! It’s funny how turning to Him…always makes a half empty glass…look somehow, half full! 🙂
Jen, I love this! Actually, I’m a ‘bit’ of a perfectionist. My husband, not so much. The other day he scrubbed the back porch {something I usually do}. You guessed it. It definitely wasn’t up to my standard. Fortunately, before I blurted out “I can’t believe you missed all that dirt!”, I stopped myself and told him that I appreciated the work he’d done. And you know what? With the Lord’s help, I really did appreciate it!
Thanks so much for always sharing the goodness of God!
Blessings to you ~ Mary
“And I realized, “giving thanks” in hard places, isn’t a wand that will instantly change your circumstances. But it does hold the power of God’s grace….to change you.” Oh Jen, this was beautiful and words I needed to read. Too many times I’ve let me desire for perfection and how or home is viewed by others to lead me to not show the love and gratitude to my husband for all he does. Your words truly spoke to me. Thank you! Many blessings to you. Beth
Amen! How much more can life be with a humbling, many humblings! I love reading Ann’s book, more than once, and keeping a eucharisteo diary. I am learning to be grateful for each and every little and big thing. Praising God for you, Jen. The hard can be easy when Christ is with us as we walk out to the one we need to be humbled before. Caring through Christ, ~ linda