Twenty years. Twelve kids later. And I never heard the words, “Will you marry me.”
I never said, “I do.”
Yes, I stood at the alter. Sick with white dress. There with a holy man dictating commands, “over us.”
But that was the law.
Law than binds man and wife. I understood that.
And we have had a good life. Of rules. Commitments. Duties……I do the dishes. He mows the lawn.
But, at times, something was blocked. The kind of blocking bringing bondage from secrets. And rings never ending.
My gold band, I bought independently. Money was tight. We were young. I needed a ring then and I needed one soon.
Almost hypnotic. Detached. I spent $18.00 from a store that went bankrupt.
And it sat all this time, reminding me of “need to’s”. Dishes. Laundry. All life took when I made a commitment to a family, and my husband.
But, twenty years later. He drives me. To a cliff overlooking sky setting, waters splashing. And I thought, “Oh, here is just another gathering. Sitting to talk, then going and eating.” (Like we do ever faithfully, every Anniversary)
But then, He pulls out a white box. Trembling, unlike the man that used logic to get me to the alter (the first time).
Diamonds. White gold. Sparkling in his over worked, forty-four year old wrinkled hands. Those unceasingly faithful hands…..
“Will you marry me?”
And then, unlike a fairly tail where she sheds alligator tears and weeps with joy, hugging the one she loves. Adding a tender, “yes”.
I laugh. I mean I really laugh. As if decades of duty and dishes and pleasing have been made worth it. As if sometimes, when we follow the path, do what we need to. A surprise …like love…..waits in the distance. And it comes out when least expected….
In a full blown, belling laugh that releases the weight of “have to’s”.
His four simple words carrying me back to the giddiness of childhood. A place where hearts first kiss and love is all that matters.
To that first hitch. The one I dreamed about. The one I missed, the first time. Where heart full, weakness of knees offer love unsuspecting.
And I fall in love, yet again. There on that bench as he proposes.
Though this time, all is different.
- This time. He asks because he wants to.
- This time is based on history and faithfulness.
- This time he knows me. The depth of my soul, the tears of my secrets. The hard days. The days when faith gasps desperately for air.
- This time he has seen me, really seen me. The unwalled little girl, inside me, unleashed. Twirling myself around the living room….singing.
But, yet, He loves. The good. The bad. The darkest places….I show no one. But God. And Him.
And yet, He wants to do it again? He want me to be His bride? Him to be my husband?
This time, He wants a wedding where I plan….not my mother. A real wedding. Our wedding. A wedding based on love.
Where last time, all was law.
And instantly, I look upon my plain $18.00 band. Thinking, now I have a “real” ring, a “love” proposal, I can throw “duty” to the farthest land.
But, something happened when I sat there. Tough, drab gold that has seen such faithfulness. A “yes” ring based on law, need to’s, obedience, faithfulness….didn’t look quite so dim.
It looked strong, steadfast, unbreakable Able, to bring two messy people to a place of beauty. Facing decades of “impossible” to many. Landing us there on a bench…..
More in love than ever.
And then, the sparkle. The dazzling ring of romance. Diamonds lining. Beauty shining from within to the world. An emblem of white gazing at the fading sun.
And the two rings are about as opposite as you get. One plain, worn, dim, simple. The other elegant, sophisticated, expensive.
Yet, when I placed the two on my same finger. They crimped up my hand.
And yet, when I took off my faithful, drabby band, sadness landed where “duty” lain….where I least expect it.
Heart sunk.
And I realize that this cheap, dim looking, unbreakable circle represents everything real marriage is made of….
Hard work.
So, as we plan and prepare our wedding, our first “real” wedding. I keep them both. Commitment wrapped tight around left hand. Sparkles representing love around my left.
And they sit there. Faithful.
Like the gospel. Obedience blended with romance. Each one needing the other.
Love. Dazzling with expectancy….the power of encountering our “First Love”. Yet, the commitment of duty, like the law, that says “yes” whatever we go through, however messy life gets…..
Like the Word, unshaken, that confirms……“Time has proven, I will be with you.”
And that is His union with us. His bride. His children.
The unparting, unwavering, love affair that brings a God who knows us deeply, before us, asking…..
“Will you marry me?”
(Linking with Missional Women, Barbie@TheWeekendBrew, Laura, Michelle)
19 Comments
Jen, you beautiful, amazing woman of God! I’m so happy for you! Your story is an account of God’s unshakable love for us… never giving up, because He knows what’s best for you. You two were meant to be together, and through it all, God changed your hearts, and made it all worth it! Congratulations.
Such a beautiful testimony!
Congrats on saying yes twice and all of the growth between the two times.
Beautiful.
Fondly,
Glenda
onebzybe – Thank you! Yes, what glorious, unshakable, never giving love He has for us, indeed! Ever thankful that He uses our weaknesses and flaws and all our human imperfections to show us a glimpse of it!
Elizabeth – Thanks, my friend!
Glenda – Thanks so much! It’s all about the in between, isn’t it…and what He teaches us tucked in the dashes! 🙂
Oh….such a beautiful redemptive story….thanks for sharing and I hope you enjoy planning your sweet ceremony ..blessings and rejoicing with you .
The dashes–I think I read a book with dashes. congratulations on twenty years. Marriage is never easy no matter what anyone says. I love this post. Are you really planning another wedding?
Ro – Thank you! Only God could take such brokenness & bring such beauty….and love!
Michelle – I hear ya! Marriage is never easy! 🙂 And yes, we are absolutely planning another wedding. Last two weeks of April are already reserved. A wedding & a honeymoon to either Hawaii, Europe, or the Dominic Republic. The honeymoon we also never had!
What a beautiful memory! My husband and I have $20 ‘wedding bands’ from a mall kiosk 15 years ago. The thin gold plating has worn away and there are two ruts in the outside that “cheapen” the look even more. And while I think every once in a while that “wouldn’t it be nice if we had this…or that…”, I wouldn’t change what we have for anything this earth has to offer. Then I look at my old ring and smile. :O)
Following from Friendship Friday at Create With Joy.
LuAnn – Sounds like we can really relate! Thanks for the follow & how marriage sometimes has no price tag!
I love this. Really. Congratulations on all of it.
Hey there – new follower from the linkup! Love your blog & can’t wait to read more 🙂
Hope you have a great day!
Rachel
http://sugar-stripes.blogspot.com/
This is such a beautiful story! Thank you so much for sharing it!
May He bless you for the years to come…guide you with His light in your path…and may His love continue to pour into and out of your hearts! Very proud of you both! Much love-Your Sis
What a beautiful post! I truly enjoyed reading it.
I found you through Create with Joy’s Friendship Friday hop.
http://artpark78.com/blog1
Brandee – Thank you.
Mary – All glory and praise to a God who redeems and restores all things, my friend.
Di – You are such a beautiful gift in our lives. Thanks for stopping by.
Yona – So glad you enjoyed how God redeemed us broken people. Thankful for your visit!
Wow, so beautiful!
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
(Ephesians 3:20-21 ESV)
May God pour out blessings upon you both!
What a lovely sentiment. Congratulations to you both. Wishing you a lifetime of continued happiness, giddiness, and “duty.” 🙂 Found you through Bloggy Moms.