I can’t get him out of my head. A sunken feeling. Leaves me breathless. From his image.
We pass. The world dances. All around.
And he sleeps. As if….
An invisible species. Many not thinking. Worth redeeming. Or feeding…..for that matter.
And my husband asks, “Why”….”Why does he capture you so?”
And my lips move voluntarily….as I whisper hesitantly a breath that does not seem my own…
“I don’t know.”
And like a magnet. Eyes fixed upon. This sleeping one. Under the arms of the branches of heaven.
And it is as if God has been placing….
Feathered ones. Lined in a row. To watch Him…
When no one else wants to see.
And I smell the scent of Marijuana. Fleeting. Just a few feet away. From those giving up. Hoping to close their eyes. To a world.
Painful.
Unclean.
But, what’s most striking. Isn’t the lost. Resting in the core of the city. From a fruit soon found tasteless.
…..But, the one’s. Passing. High heels. Briefcases. Blank faces. Living away from the reality of it all.
The one’s whose eyes lay blank gazed. Hypnotized by the world…..
Pretending. Believing. Thinking…..
If we don’t see them. Maybe they won’t exist.
And sometimes I wrestle with the fact….that I do see. When I don’t want to. When blind eyes would be easier. More effectual. Not stopping me. In the tracts of a family outing. Trying to have fun.
When a life. Of compromise. Redirected gazes. Ignorant ways….would be cleaner.
But I do see them. And I didn’t ask for these eyes.
…..Or did I?
When I prayed. And have been praying. And keep on praying….
“I want to see the world through your eyes, Lord!! Through your eyes.”
Breath rushing through my chest. Barely breathing….I look upon the one sleeping….underneath the Giant One. Over him….reaching.
Eyes filling….
With the liquid love of Jesus. Pouring to the feet of the same street that these forgotten one’s lie on. The one’s laying dormant….as a world passes by.
These broken ones. Frozen. Under the blankets of a forgotten life. Seemingly easier sometimes.
To us all.
And I keep moving. For still hearts never solve anything.
Thinking….
I can keep moving away from pieces left broken in my heart.
And they pass. Through alleys. One on crutches.
As the light shines. Reaching from above….
Into the darkest alleys.
And I find that there is nowhere to go from His love. Not dark alleys. Not under covered blankets. Not smoking a substance that takes us from what we are feeling….
Eventually he can. And does. And always will ….Find us.
And later. I look upon the picture. Of blanketed one. Afraid to type and contaminate His thought…..
I look further. Deeper. His peace. This sleeping one. Curled up so safe….without ceiling or weight pressing from above.
Just birds watching. And keeping. And the protection from creation. Keeping him safe.
And His face. His beard. His countenance.
Different.
And I question what it is. Breathless at the agony. That He might have something.….I don’t.
Yet, he has nothing.
And I find it. Like a child searching for a hidden picture in a puzzle peering. Seeing it for the very first time. There. In his face….
Jesus.
His face. His presence. His lying still. In the center of a world….of restless spirits. Going nowhere.
And I curl over. Breathless. Once again.
As the world keeps passing….
All around.
And we miss them. We missed him.
The ones still. The ones sleeping. The one’s forgotten. The ones that look most…..
Like….
Jesus.
6 Comments
Asking to see as God sees-may be “unsafe” as you WILL see- and it may overwhelm you. I have changed that prayer a little to- ‘allow me to see as much as you know I can handle Lord!’
We are human, not divine- with limited resources- I already spread myself out too thinly until there’s barely anything left- be wise loving sister- you have SUCH a big heart- and I know God adores you for it- but like when Moses wanted to see God- God let Moses see his glory from behind, that he would not be blinded- we too must ask to see as much as God will enable us to cope with, not everything- it’s just too much for a human to handle.
I love the prayer of Jabez- enlarge the place of my tent- I believe we do best with a gradual but continual stretching so that we have time to grow into the MORE of Him.
What a heart you have Jen!!
May God bless you with protection and keep you safe in all regards.
Stopping by from Ann’s. . . this is lovely and hard. . .thank you for opening my eyes. . .
Mary – I totally hear what you are saying and think you are so right. We are not divine. We cannot handle the fullness of His perspective through our simple carnal minds. It is far too much!
Susan – Thank you for coming by & taking some time to read & comment. Blessings ~ jen
Hi Jen,
Nice to meet you. I’m hopping over from Imperfect Prose’s link up. Your line “Eyes filling with the liquid love of Jesus” was poignant, as was your recognizing that it was the very answer to your prayer to see, and yet I can relate to the sadness of seeing some days, and to the ones who grab your attention most.
Thanks for letting me peak into these thoughts with you.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
“And sometimes I wrestle with the fact….that I do see. When I don’t want to. When blind eyes would be easier.” – I often get overwhelmed by everything you’ve written about here, but I get stuck, not knowing what to do. I still have no answers, but maybe in keeping my eyes open that is a start.
Jennifer,
Thanks for coming by. Always love new visitors. 🙂 And thanks for peeking into His Heart with me…as difficult as it can be. Hope to connect again soon! 🙂
Lori,
Thank you so much for your honesty. I get overwhelmed writing it half the time too. Lol But, yes, eyes open and humble seeking…”God what would you have me do?”…might be the first step. For me, it’s writing. For others, it might look a bit different. Praying He reveals your part in it, all my friend. And that as you are His hands and feet…the joy of the Lord will replace that sorrow with His abundant joy! Blessings, jen