A cock-a-doodle do reminds me that morning is coming. Sun peering over the horizon.
Barely.
And I cannot sleep.
It’s my teen. I worry. And I think about her far too much.
And to be honest. It is tough. Taking each child. Each moment. Each hour. And trusting.
Placing them carefully, wholeheartedly, intentionally…..in God’s hands.
Yet, I am finding….my hands aren’t big enough. To carry it all.
So, I must give it. Give it all. To The One. Who carries the world.
And sometimes, my prayers are simple. Like at 5:00 a.m. when stranger tip toes upstairs to use the bathroom. And the one we took in……still fails to be home. Here. Where it’s safe.
That thoughts turn to rambles. Rambles turn to fear. And traditional rants of routine prayers….just don’t do it anymore.
Needing instead a heartfelt, undone, relinquishing to God.
But, what do you do when heart break from this world acts like ripples in the wind?
What if words of faith and religious structure and all things shaken disillusion now…in a way that makes even the greatest of men….
Question.
Peer into the unknown with uncertainty.
What if….
Words are not enough. In prayers. In thoughts. From other people giving much. Trying to “help”.
What if….the Unseen One establishing Himself in all of creation simply asks you…..not to chant a prayer in rhetorical repetition….but “Am I enough?”
And deep within. Somewhere. You are required to answer.
5:00 a.m.. At the peek of dawn. Earth wakes. Life begins. All things sleeping start to stir again. In faith.
- And what if ….The waking is the answer?
- The leaning and the trusting without ramblings of uncertainty…..is what it’s all about.
What if life’s simple. Like simply standing. Feet to floor. Being present…..regardless of the storms.
Showing up. Shaping history. More than religious mindsets…but a slaying of how life is supposed to be…..
Perfect.
What if the heart cry. That deep plea…..as little girl feet pass my bedroom door….
Say, “O.K. Lord. All of you. None of me. Because I can’t do it alone.”
What if…..emptying our hands….is what it’s all about. Emptying them into the heart of God.
And believing….
No truly believing…..
That He is enough.
The answer to our every prayer. The “yes” in our trusting….
Even before dawn wakes.
(Linking w/Ann Michelle, Laura, On, In, & Around Mondays jen)
11 Comments
oh this laboring kind a pain…the pain…the kind that takes your breath…but with each contraction…new life is closer to coming forth…holding up your weary arms…blessings and grace to our day~
such beautiful images, Jen–in word and photo! It is, as Ro says, a true labor of love, isn’t it? Mine haven’t left the house yet and still there are plenty of sleepless nights. I’m tucking your words into my heart to be my lullaby next time. Lovely.
Learning to trust Him has been my greatest joy and greatest challenge. Prayers for you <3
praying that He will give you the comfort only He can! I hope all is okay!
Ro – How beautifully said, “which each contraction…new life is closer to coming forth”. Love it & treasure your prayers. Always.
Laura – Yes, sometimes it’s the commitment, the faith act, the obedient “yes” of we trust Him that speaks more than our anxious ramblings of prayers.
Social – I am so glad you have found that place of serenity & contentment. Resting in the faithfulness of His arms.
Brownie – Thank you. Blessings. He is. Has. And will. I am believing, friend.
Wow, I am struggling with sleep lately, so this post truly spoke to me. Thank you. I need Him so desperately right now.
I love that…trusting before the dawn awakens! Have you ever watched the movie “tree of life”? something reminded me of a part where the little boy is praying and you can hear his words but you can also hear the words of his spirit…you might like it…the snap shot style its filmed in reminds me of your writing.
I just love your heart!
Lyli – So glad this spoke to you. Isn’t it just beautiful how at the end of our own strength, capabilities, power, & abilities is the beginning of God & all He has to offer. Clinging to that with you today, friend.
Jewel – No, I have never seen than, movie, but will begin look for it. Sounds like a thumbs up! 🙂
For the mama-hearts, I think sleep often flees for our hearts to rise in prayer. And it never stops. Last night a fairly sleep-less one in prayer for adult children and grandchildren…
Aw, I feel your pain a bit. I’m a mother of three, all girls. One is 20 and one is 18, the littlest is 9. The worries I’ve had over the past several years, well, without a bottle of hairdye, everyone would know what they put me through. But, thankfully the good Lord has allowed me to train them to the best of my ability and I have faith that they’ll make good decisions. And, if they don’t, well I’ll still love them, and so will he. This post was eloquently written by the way.
Connie – I so agree that our sleeplessness is often a call to rise in prayer. Prayers with you for your family.
Millie – Your kids are really similar to all three of mine in age…all just about two years older. Rejoicing with you that He has trained and equipped you to parent them, my friend. And I hear ya about the hair dye! Without it I think I would have been grey a looongg time ago. Lol Bless you! ~ jen