A Confession of Resurrecting, Idols of “Expectations”

Ever uncover an idol?  No, really?  A real life, without a doubt, idol?

I have.

“Expectations.”

See.  Like the golden calf. I keep formulating my own personal visions.  When the path seems black.  And I cannot see.  

Yes, God may start my journey.  As I tread boldly out into open waters.  But then, somehow. Somewhere along the way.  I leave the waves of hope…the face of Jesus….and jump back in my boat.  Sitting safely. In it.  So I don’t have to walk on waters of the unknown.

For, doesn’t the unknown always seems scarier….No matter how safe it may be?

See.  I love the jumping out part. The faith walking water part….at the beginning.

But, as soon as I can’t see the full picture.  Of what God is doing…I get out my own water colors….and start painting. An ending.

Start painting what I want to see.  I melt my treasure.  Call it blessing.  Self resurrecting an idol….I can see. Just like a golden calf.

Then, when I am done.  I hold it up.  In minds eye, by pride.  With fear, one stake.  And insecurity holding the other side.  Faith FULL-ness fading.  I take control.  Somewhere along the way.  And steal the wheel from Jesus steering. 
 
But the worst part?  I somehow justify it.  And praise myself….as if I am actually doing Him a favor.  By helping Him, by  delivering…the end of the story..

And in mistrusting The Creator, I make my own creation.  Breathing life into God’s hijacked vision.  And at some point.  Always.  Eventually.  End up reluctantly….or even quite willingly…Bowing down to it.  

This image. Expectations.

For me it may be a situation.  A solution.  Or the end of a story that He has been penning….upon the walls of my soul.  

• Yet, why is it….I can’t stand an unfinished story? 
•  And always want to see the ending….and the glory?
• Why can’t I trust Him with missing pieces?  Like foster kids not leaving? Or leaving? Or bumps in the road that come for a reason…even I can’t explain?  Or sick self?  Or sick kids?  Or the route to our future, wondering what our ministry is all about? 

See. I want answers. I want solutions.  And I struggle to sit back on my recliner and watch the movies, He is creating. Patiently.  Waiting.

• Remote….His.  
• Story line…His. 
• All of life…His.  Not mine.

Sometimes I just want to change the channel on my life.  And paint fairy tale endings instead.  Instead of conclusions, sometimes I even fail to understand.

Building Towers of Babel.  And man made idols…like Nebekkenezer had.  Somehow thinking I am better off creating “expectations” not made by God’s hand.  Hesitating to fulfill His specific destiny.  For us. Inside our heads.  Surrendering our future to Him.  Willingly.

But yet. His whisper keeps pressing.  Unless we quench it.  On our knees like Daniel.  His gentle leading us…never to submit to man made interpretations or representations.

• Yes, there. Our victory.  
• There.  At His feet.  We can’t bare idols. 
• There. We know we are powerless in His love….Yet, all is perfectly all right.  
• There.  We can embrace the frailty of our flesh. And the unknown.  Baring the darkness. Quenched in His light.

But, that moment we stand on our own command.  Or bow down to any other man.  We trade our saving grace….for worthless idols.

And the Goliaths in our lives seem much bigger….and more dangerous.

And we miss the chance of going through the fire….watching God work so faithfully.  Beside us.  And how we don’t get burned.  If we acknowledge and slay down, sins of resurrected “expectations”?  Humbly crucifying…

• Our own personal agendas and missions.
• Individual hopes and dreams or idols of selfish ambition

 That place. Waiting.  In the nothingness….where everything lies?

Without status or monuments or strokes from those that cheer us on and encourage us to glorify….our emptiness. Or hollow man.

Glorifying Jesus.  Instead.

Knowing. He is enough.  Not just when things are abundant….but when own personal resources dry up.

And isn’t it there?  That lions hour? In deserts walk?  During giant facing moments…..

That manna falls?  Floods flow from The Rock?  And miracles happen?

Letting go of expectations…..

(Linking w/ Ann)