Rest.

I make a heap at weeks long end.  Cross legged safe at the edge of the couch.  And thank God….a week non-stop is over.  And it is there among my stacks of books…..I dig through…..I look to find the arrow in the dark that directs me to My Savior.

And I wait.

For waiting.  Quiet. Stillness. Rest….has been His command lately.  Patience.  Trust. Believing.  

Though outside only storms are brewing.  And I have been in the middle of them….sadly.

And it is as if Big Black Book reaches to grab me.  Lifting up Enlightened Word….to find my strength again.

I open.

And again. Holy Scripture and it’s contents knows me well.

As my favorite book finds me. Isaiah. Give ear to hear my voice. Listen and hear my speech.  And God will teach you.

And in a world where everyone seems to have the right answers…..or no answers at all.  I need the Infallable One to tell me what to do next.  To instruct more than my steps….but my heart.

Uncrossing my legs.  Bending over the pages. With a new sort of hope…..that has never been found in the answers of man.

God’s instruction….wonderful.  His counsel excellent.  His guidance….sure.

And I read in the margins….


“Total reliance on mere human initiative and endevour will leave us uncovered.”

And how uncovered I have been. For far too long now.

Pulling blanket of red over my knees now.  Longing more than ever before to be nestled in His Love.

And I read Isaiah 28.  “Whoever believes will not act hastily.” And how hasty I have been.  And I ask….

So does that mean….those who charge ahead….don’t believe?

Does that mean….the very thing I profess is fake…..if I cannot wait? Be still?  Rest in Him……first?

Then, I go on.

A sorcerer rushes ahead. Seeks control.  Seeks his own will.  And focus’ on His own gain.

And the root of control found in Simon the Sorcerer is something I least expected…..but oh, how I can relate……..

Unforgiveness.

And how bitterness is like poison that taints everything around us.  And oh, how I have said….

“No matter what….all my days….this one thing…..I will never forgive.”

And how my pride has gripped tight my offense.  And how so self entitled I have been in thinking……though Christ forgave me much….I cannot forgive others.

And how the root of all unforgiveness…..is pride.

And how pride escalated pride.  Control only promotes even more control.  And how fear is the root of our every sin.  Fear that we can’t trust God.  Fear that God is not in control.  So we must somehow be….in control….instead.

And I hold onto the truth of my unbelief….as I stop. Take it all in.  And curl up in the corner with the blanket now covering me.

And I know……yes, I know…..In me is no real power.  

I am so incapable to forgive….without humility, God’s grace, and His divine mercy and power.

For humility is not something we can just get because we wish for it.  Or strive for it.  Or earn it. Or muster it up.

I am no expert….and really don’t know much….but from what I have learned…..

Humility comes from trials.  The powerlessness that says I can’t do this on my own. The feelings of desperation that God alone can deliver us……take the throne in all that we do….and all that we are…..

And how…..life does prune.

Yet, The Word says….”Rejoice!”  Rejoice because through trials Christ is making us into His perfect image.

He is humbling us.  He is teaching us…..patience.  To wait. To rest.  And to believe…..

In the rest. He alone….is enough.

And I cling to the red threads nestled around my neck, gripping His Living Word to my Chest….

And rest.  Rest.

Because He alone is enough.

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