Clinging Desperately To Christ

This last week has changed my life. The house of sticks that has been built over time….has been crumbling down.

And this heart once lost in innocence and trust and faith keeps battling against getting hard.

And it is as if……..a Picasso piece that once was created.  Slowly.  Carefully.  Painted by the hand of God….

Now is splattered….by permanent ink upon God’s carefully painted work of art.

And I watch…..Ink slowly dripping down the canvas.  And what once was priceless seems now as garbage.

And I wait.  Because waiting is all I can do now.

Refusing the questions.  Gripping tight to faith somehow…..even in this nightmare.

And even when unexpected coals paint the snow with torment…I do all I know to do……

Open God’s Word.  Journal.  And search within the Holy Spirit inside me….

Finding truth that has been piercing lies for a long while now.  Though I failed to see them.

And I hear and read two months ago….

“If I took everything away from you, would you still worship me?  Would you still think I am good?”

And my mouth whispers “yes”….but my mind struggles with lies I have been told….

Like…

God is only good when everything goes well.  God would never harm or hurt or make bad things happen to you.

And yet.  That is so true. God doesn’t seek to harm us….but gives us good.

But, then….there is the book of Job?  Did He deserve all the things that happened to him?

Did he wonder? And question? And hope that God still loved Him….despite him loosing wife, family, and home?

And these trials I read……are not strange.  Not uncommon to man.  For the back of The Book says that hard times will come and the closer to His coming….the more severe they will get.

Yet, the Word says rejoice…..because we are being formed to the image of Christ through our pain and circumstances.

And this is when faith is it’s most powerful force.  Stepping forward when there is no road.  Seeing with Spiritual eyes…….what is.  Regardless of what we see which is not.

Though flesh always tries to resist the cross…..on the outskirts of redemption.  On the Eve of His glory revealed.

So, I untie these arms wrapped around this creature. This flesh woman incapable of saving this drifting ship from sinking.

And let go.

Because, I know.  I have always known. It is not the heart of God to harm.  There is an enemy in this world.  And if this enemy has been given permission to reign…..

God has a greater plan.  One that mortal eyes can’t see through….in rain. And sleet. And this consuming fire surrounding me.

And I whisper with the only prayer that I can now….. “Help”.

Injured.  Shattered. Laying down my sword now…..

So that Christ can pick up His.

For…..even if I stand alone.  Even if I lose all the blessings God has abundantly lavished upon my home….

I will clench tight to His arms….

No….

I will jump into His arms.  I will hold on tight.  And by faith…..faith rise…..I will let Christ wield His sword.  Win this battle….

As I rest…Carried through this fight……

Until I get to my real home.

For sometimes flawed art can be the most priceless pieces of all.

Linking this post with Ann @ A Holy Experience