There it was. On a table. Party platter. People gathered. Luring. Tempting me.
Questioning the authenticity of recent allergies. Peanuts. Soy. Now seafood.
Healthy all my life. Never broke a bone. Hardly had a cold. Bodies. Only human. Can endure only so much.
And although I am set free….I know….consequences of life styles always catch up.
And life has found me.
Weak from endless nights….exposed babies…and night life lived fully before finding Christ.
Delectable crab. Calling me….like the sin I once knew. On the table. Waiting. Questioning me.
Of all things I desire….want….love tasting. Seafood. My favorite. I am Scandinavian.
So I dig in, throwing caution to the wind. Devouring my favorite temptation before me.
Thinking maybe….just maybe….my body won’t find out. Won’t respond. Won’t freak out….like it has in times past.
But it did.
Sick. Three days. Toxic overload. Weak and helpless.
And I remember the day, years ago, God saying….you have a choice.
A disciplined life….or one of mediocrity….barely getting by.
Either/or. A divide in life. You decide.
Yet, here I am. Not heading His warning. Still fighting surrender. Regardless of His warning….beforehand.
My pride. My rebellion. My entitled mentality. Overtakes me like a victim, silencing truth within me.
And I vow. Never again….
Never will I give in to temptation again.
But I am weak. Faulty. Given time and time again, to fall into binges of earthly pleasures.
Why is it we always want most the things we can’t have.
…..Instead of looking at what offers life, health, hope, and happiness.
And I realize….I am Eve, in the Garden of Eden.
Drawn away, lured to what my eyes like most….and my body craves.
I seek discipline. But I have no strength. So, I pray….
God….
Let it not be a burden….to give my life away.
Let me joyfully surrender what you have recently took away.
And I open Holy Word.
And over and over again, I find….
Whoever does not bear his cross and he who does not forsake all….cannot be my disciple.
And I realize on sick bed. Food is my golden calf. The idol I keep seeking, making, pursuing in my distress.
And I must let it go. Relinquish these pleasures of flesh that offer only temporal gain.
And I open the Word again. This time I find….
You cleanse the outside of the cup….but inside….you are full of extortion and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee. First clean the inside….
I sit up. Take notice. Hard words spoken. Tinted glasses of denial now broken.
And I pray. Give me a pure heart, Oh Lord. Renew in me a steadfast Spirit.
May the sin all around…compelling…drawing….luring…have no fulfillment, earthly pleasure.
May I only find hope in you. Strength in you. Delight in you.
The last thing in this world I want….is to be a whitewashed tomb.
Refine me. Purify me. Teach me obedience.
Strength.
And I find in my sickbed. This weak place. This still place….away from the world…
Is the perfect time to pray.
And even in sickness…especially in sickness….Here in my rebellion.
I find Him.
In weakness.
12 Comments
Wonderful post. God uses weakness. Look at Paul.
Following.
Hi, new followers from About a Mom’s Weekend blog hop. I just want to thank you for this post. The Lord really spoke to me through it. There are a lot of blogs out there and very few will stop me in my tracks as yours has (in a good way)! 😉 Anyway, thank you.
Blessings,
Lara
http://www.lillarose.biz/proverbs31
What a wonderful, encouraging post! Thanks so much. I’m following you from the blog hop!
-Jade
http://www.jadesteckly.blogspot.com
Hi Jen – wwwowww – speaking straight into my heart! I definitely want to look after the outside far better than I do, but what purpose unless I clean up the inside, the heartside! Excellent. I hope you are feeling better and stronger.
God bless
Tracy
What an eye opener. I also have problems resisting temptations, especially those that are most pleasurable (like unhealthy foods). I need to have the discipline for this too.
Thank you for an inspiring post. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. 🙂
Irene
Elle – Yes, that ol’ thorn in the side…& what was it for…oh, ya…to keep us humble. Boy can I relate!
Lara – Wow, thanks for the compliment and thanks even more for the follow.
Jade – Thank you for following. Always appreciate new followers.
Tracy – Thanks. Slowly recuperating. How near He is though in our weak place though. So thankful for that.
Irene – Praying for His strength for us, my sister. Have a blessed day.
Grateful for each one of you. Have a great weekend. ~ jen
Great post……I have LOVED shrimp my whole life…then one day…I ate it and broke out in hives…well I tried again…surely it was a one time thing..tried again…bad reaction…tried again…worse reaction…last time I tried was too close for comfort…and God did use it to speak to me as well…I told myself …it is just shrimp…but He showed me..it was not my allergy but the condition of my heart. How often the natural reflects the spiritual condition of our hearts.
Hope you are feeling better…
Have a great weekend
Blessings~
Thank you for this inspiring post. I need to find this inner strength myself and you have helped to renew my endeavor. New follower stopping by from Wild weekend hop. I am inviting you to stop by for a visit.
Ells – Thanks for the encouragement. So glad to hear I am not alone and that God speaks similar things to His people. Thanks for your constant, uplifting posts. they mean a lot!!
Bonnie – Wow! Love all these new followers lately. Thanks. Will be sure to stop by sometimes soon.
Blessings ~ jen
great writing, Jen! so many truths–hard and painful, perhaps, but deep and true. and in the end. . . God. He is there. in the weak and sick, He is there. hang in there, hope you’re feeling better, and thank you for the encouragement this day.
steph
this is written so amazing. Choices….it’s what life is all about. Once…I didn’t know that….I fought everything…but when He touched me…showed me love was greater than anything….my choice now…is to follow His ways…thanks for posting this awesome message.
Steph – Such great feedback. Love your faith filled response.
Sarah – Yes…that’s it, I think…That our choice is HIS choice…not out of guilt or shame, or need to…but want to…because His Love is so great!
Thanks you two. Blessings ~ jen