Like a child today. Defenses stripped away. Whirlwind of tasks…chores…stores…Preparing for another party. More….people through the threshold of our home.
And I knew. Defenses were down. Body holding on from the battle it’s been through. Attacked again…from nuts. An allergy. Just learning about. Suffering through…
And I hear them. Like salt inflaming a wound long healed. Now torn away…pealed…laying exposed.
Words.
Like grains of salt poured out.
They burn. The moment I hear them. Sting. Spoken without guard or candor.
And I ache. In a way…I have not in years. And I relive…the recovery of what I have been through.
Life.
Joy.
Sunshine.
Parties…..
They all part like the sea. And I lie there..barren…in the dust of the unseen.
Naked.
Open.
Words…bleeding through….
And the person who spoke them, so candid…didn’t even know.
As I ache. Relive. Wonder. Ask:
- Why am I like a child again?
- Why do I still seek validation from this other?
- Why do I stack my life on facts that have only revealed a broken past?
And I drive off…
Crushed.
From Words.
Yet, as I drive…..I hear songs of scripture.
And remember….
Grace.
Poured out in days of the desert. And I know the thirst that brought me here…
And I seek him again…
With tears.
And I hear…
Grace to you should be the same measure of grace poured from you.
It is true….I give…so that you can give out.
And I remember….
The woman much forgiven. And how those forgiven much…love much.
And I recollect clearly….My state without Him.
Words that I have said in the past. Brazen. Thoughtless. And how they must have hurt. And likely. Many times. I did not know. Consider. Wonder. Oh, how they must have hurt.
And I gather up rags that once covered…Heart broken. Words questioning the foundation of my existence….
Yet, I know….I must forgive.
Without grace. Incapable. Impossible. Certain…I wouldn’t.
But on this broken road….Important.
So, as balm of Gilead applied to trauma…I profess from the pain, like a child. And add…
Forgive them Lord. Yes, I forgive…
They know not what they do.
Then, I thank Him. I thank Him…
Then, as I linger in specks of broken light…I know…even though the entire world may turn away…reject my name…my face…my purpose to pursue strong this race…
He is here.
His words are courage.
His words are love.
His words are strength.
And I bask. Here. Alone. Tear stained. Heart healed. And I bask…
In the glory of His love.
17 Comments
beautiful. Thanks for sharing the struggle and Christ at working in the midst of it. I’m so thankful for the grace He gives.
Lisa – So thankful too…for His most wonderful grace! ~ Jen
beautiful and love those breathtaking pics, sometimes we do take things for granted
That was beautiful. For grace extended out of hurt is the most difficult yet beautiful grace of all.
Fundamental – So true!
Shanda – Yes, most difficult…indeed. Yet, beautiful!
Hi Jen. You write beautifully. I love what you say about how of a woman, much forgiven, she has much love. I also think when a person is so broken and gives it to the Lord, that person can understand someone else’s hurt so much more. Lovely post Jen
God bless
Tracy
Ah, to grasp how big the cross is and how much we’ve been forgiven… and then pouring that out to others. Sanctification hurts sometimes. Thanks for sharing with us.
How wise you are . . . when words have hurt you and taken you back to old thinking . . . to remember all that you remembered. Thanks for sharing this remembering with us so beautifully, Jen.
Fondly,
Glenda
Thank you so much. Going through this right now with a friend. Beautiful words.
This is such an amazing tribute to Jesus and His power to transform the broken into something of sheer radiance.
THESE WORDS….
Words.
Like grains of salt poured out.
They burn. The moment I hear them. Sting. Spoken without guard or candor.
And I ache. In a way…I have not in years. And I relive…the recovery of what I have been through.
I know this…well -sadly also been the one who spoke. Thank you for the reminder today to be careful of what I speak …death and life IS in the mouth.
Wonderfully written!
Wow ladies. Thanks for the responses.
Tracy – All I know is I am a woman…forgiven much. And for that I am abundantly grateful! 🙂
Christan – Yes, it seems…at least for me, the more the cross stays center in my focus…the bigger it gets and the smaller I become. Thankful today for a BIG GOD!
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Glenda – Oh, truth be told, I have no wisdom, really. It is only His Spirit that by grace keeps drawing this tainted mind to His most beautiful truths over and over again…For that I am thankful.
Christina – Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Jen – Praising with you the God of the broken!
Starla – We all have. Can’t tell you how many times I have prayed that people would forget the harsh or insensitive words I have spoken carelessly. May His forgiveness cover over all as He by grace changes us…
I come by to visit you via one of our blogging buddies at http://heartofthehome-blog.blogspot.com/. I enjoyed browsing your blog and reading your great post.. We would like to invite you to stop by and visit us when you have a moment. Have a blessed day, and hope to see you soon.. God Bless you and yours..
Enjoyed your post; it’s a beautiful word that blesses me…the one forgiven much–loves much… and at the end, basking, tear-stained, alone, but healed and basking in his love…I’ve been there, too.
Lovely blog you have; nice to find you through Emily’s.
Anna – Thanks for coming by! Isn’t God so good to offer greatest grace on those most undeserving? Humbled by His goodness ~ Jen