Sitting, resting aching body…reflections of honor cords & robs & square hats. Turmoil to hard to put in words after a weekend full of rejoicing. Aching in a greater way, no earthly pain can measure, contemplating…grasping….the pain of letting go.
It’s done! Eight years homeschooling. Gifted, eldest child. Private school. Carpool. Algebra. Moral, physical, social balances…all of it.
Done.
Long talks into the night. Holding colicky baby tight. Swim lessons. Piano lessons. Life lessons. All of it….
Done.
Down long walkway. Tassel dangling. People applauding. Diploma holding. Picture taking. Invites. End of school party…
Done.
Young, long haired, wrinkle free mom. Now, older. Wiser. More aged with seasons….
A lifetime it seems…
Gone.
How could it be? And what to come?
The let go.
The fabulous, painful, long overdue let go.
I see it & I know it’s near…Yet, I hold on. With everything in me….
I hold on.
Days of laughter. Finding rocks, tiny hand clasped in mine.
…Yet, hands grow.
And no one stays young forever.
Walking to the train park. Sitting and talking. Reading. Story time. Time passing…
The images fade…
I try to hold on.
Yet, letting go. The gift God has been trying to teach me. I know…
Nothing good is mine….really.
All is His.
And He leaves. A quick, “Thanks Mom”…as he fleets out the door.
Chairs stacked. Cups scattered. Paper plates half full. And the party reminisces remain like the memories in my mind….
Dispersed throughout each room in the corners of time.
And I fight it….Letting go.
With only a bad graduation photograph left of me & him. Him diploma. Me, without any worldly possession or reward…
The life of a mom.
Friends and families cars long gone…
Yet, fumes of yesterday linger on….
Balloons dangling
…left as a grim reminder….
That nothing lasts forever.
Little boys grow up. And even helium in days to come will fade.
And our life here is temporary…
And although love is eternal….
No containing, or holding on, keeps it safe forever.
True love gives wings. Breaths life. Offers more than superficial rewards…
True love was not mine…as my son is not mine…as nothing, really, in this world is mine….
It is His….All His.
And yet, He graces us with these undeserved gifts….
And I am grateful.
His car drives down our dirt road…..
And with all the joy, gratitude, faith found in days lived well.
Remembering…..
I say goodbye.
8 Comments
Congratulations mama! You done good. Now you sit back and watch him really fly. And don’t worry, in the coming years he’ll value you even more and come to understand all that you have given and done for him. Blessings!
Thanks so much, WithGraceAndGratitude for those words of encouragement. Can’t tell you how much they mean to me! ~ Jen
Written so well. I can’t imagine what you are feeling. Where does the time go? God has truly blessed your family! I love yoU!
i love this!! i can’t wait to share this when my oldest son graduates from college.. thank for sharing
Thanks fundamental & Diana. How time does fly…
Hi Jen. This is so hard – the letting go. But I am finding as I let go how much more my eldest is sharing with me and enjoying some time (very little!)with me between her studies and her social life. But – it is hard – God bless
Tracy
Congratulations! What a beautiful post on accomplishment. And the journey it took to get there.
Thanks Penelope!