“Prayer is the match that lights the fuse to release the explosive power of the Holy Spirit in the affairs of men,” my Bible commentary leaves me wanting.
“God, I am tired of praying,” I respond, “I feel like all I do is pray. Any form of communication needs to be two ways. God, please speak to me.” I muffle from my heart of hearts.
I knew I had been tired, sleepless for months. I had cried out to the Good Father, but needed to sense His response…to know I was more than some commodity, quietly laboring in unseen good works for Him.
A short time later, I look at the reflection in the window and see a large creature stepping slowly across the wet grass, at 5:00 a.m. this morning.
Not noting the connection, my spirit leaps. I grab my camera, documenting this deer that has been pacing our property frequently.
A few feet from my front door, he walks slowly. I snap a few pictures, try to prevent him from spooking. He is hesitant-footed, lifting each hoof, kicking out his knee, before landing each hoof down delicately in the grass…
He is careful about where he is going…thoughtful, intentional, calculated.
I see my reflection in his cautious wanderings while recording video to show my husband when he gets home from work.
I leash our puppy and move outdoors, following the deer as he delicately tip-toes through our meadow, looking for something to eat.
The History of Our Home
I stroll along in the tall, wet gras, remembering this property from long ago…
We had sold our residence in the city because God put it on our hearts to own property one day.
And who knows, giant faith, required bold leaps?
He showed me the passage of Abraham who was called out of the city, before knowing his destiny.
And how many times are we hesitate to move, because there’s no clear vision of where we are going? Are stuck, stagnant, missing grace…because fear trumps trusting His perfectly purposes?
For eight months, we rented my parents beach house, watching, waiting for the exact home God might want us to have.
We were cautious-footed, patient…until finally the day came when this repo-like house, revealed visions of something greater, hopes of something beautiful, dreams of this place, despite the overgrown field, compound of garbage overflowing inside a barricade of fences.
When I first helped my husband mow our new field, I ran over little black snakes every few feet…and sometimes inches. Snakes multiplied throughout our entire property.
It was the strangest things. Even now, as I look back on it…
Had they been an earthly representation, a reflection of the spiritual condition of our property before we gutted our house, cleared out the garbage, and redeemed this place as a home we’d lead Growth Groups in for years and years to come?
And who knows faith doesn’t let us see before we leap, it invites us to trust, believe, there is beauty dehind all the rubish?
We Don’t Always Need To Know The Future
As I walked on our property with our new furry friend this morning, watching the deer, not easily spooked, staring back at me, I hear God whisper…
You don’t need to know where you are going, as much as you need to know The One who has always remained beside you.
My heart gasps.
“Not know where I am going?” The thought terrified me. With wedding plans, my son in South America, blind on a three-and-a half-year journey, there seems no end to…
I hadn’t realized how much fear had surrounding an unknown destiny. How much grieving for those days in the city that were simple, pure, made up of playing with my three and five-year-old children.
What Does A Good Dad Look Like?
And friends, as we enter Father’s Day….I don’t know what kind of dad you have or had. I don’t know what kind of dad you are. (If you’re a man reading this)
But what I do know is that there is a Good, Good Father who will always remain beside us.
I was talking to my earthly dad the other day. I looked at him; no college degree, no owner of some world-changing company, no powerful influencer…Yet…
- I remember as vividly as this computer before me, each day my dad coming home with layered on concrete. As a little girl, I would bend over and help him untie, and remove those heavy boots that seemed to weigh a thousand pounds.
- I remember people coming over at times of crisis; sitting down, sharing their life, often crying or filled with anxiety. My earthly dad would listen. Listen, then wrap his big bear arms around them at the end, and they would leave, changed…different.
- I remember the time, a man stole my money at the fair as a child. My dad raced off after him, and drug him back to my blonde piggytails, to apologize.
- I remember him confronting a man who was inappropriate with a girl at the skating rink. My dad understood what it meant to respect women, even if they didn’t respect themselves.
- I remember thick-skinned hands, fingers as thick as sausaged, wrapping around my tiny hands, making me know, “It was going to be o.k.”
- I also recollect that day, his 1936 truck broke down. We purchased waffer cookies and walked the rest of the way to my uncles, just him and me together.
No…there wasn’t daily amusement parks, tons of sports events, big suprise trips to Disneyland, or moments that shook the heavens, resounding of what some might think a “Good Father” looks like…
Instead, there were quiet moments, just him and me. Precious times where his silent hugs would melt a thousand demons.
There was that time he picked me up from my friends after I had ran away; not judging, not criticizing, just loving me quietly by his strength and presence.
I knew my worth was inside me, not in what I accomplished. I understood within his quiet eyes, being home, being present, being where he was…was more important than any outward responses.
And I realize, after all these years…
A Good Father, isn’t some superhero who OCCASIONALLY steps in when he feels like it, but a man who chooses to be constantly present; someone who will defend and protect, listen, connect, and just walk WITH us, unswervingly, regardless of what we are experiencing.
What if we gave modern day, hard-working, family-loving dad’s the full respect they deserve? These dads work hard, and yet often endure constant criticism from soceity, work collegues, and even sometimes their own wives and children.
What if we respected men more, dishonor them less, fully comprehended and understood, the position a dad has in our lives, recognizing it is priceless?
A Good Dad isn’t someone who tells us every step of the way, but walks WITH us along the way; staying near through thick and thin, regardless if we deserve it or not.
Maybe you have hurts from your earthly dad; he wasn’t present, lived selfishly, failed you time and time again. Friend, please know, we have a Heavely Father who is our example of what a Good Father truly is.
I sit at my computer, and now, almost an hour later, realize, I had asked God to reveal Himself, speak to me, show me he was near, moments before seeing that deer…
Shortly later, I heard Him speak, “You don’t need to know where you are going, as much as you need to know The One who has always remained beside you.”
He wants to commune with us friends. But I wonder…is often, our heads and lives filled with too much noise, we can’t hear Him?
Do you know The One beside you? Have you grasped…He is a Good, Good Father? Won’t you understand, He is a Good Father who never fails, leaves, abandons, or forsakes us?
Wherever you are at in your journey, you can trust Him. He wants to walk in close communion with you today.
We don’t need to know the way, we just need to know, daily, the One who does.
1 Comment
Loved reading this post, Jen.
I love it that you have such precious memories of your good Father.
I loved my father dearly and my step-father much later on.
We are blessed indeed to have good earthly Fathers, as well as the most wonderful Heavenly Father,
Loved reading about the deer, also.
Very special.